Category Archives: A Balanced Life

Listening

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Recently I found that I wasn’t listening as well as I should. Quite apart from the slight deafness that has come about after decades of poor fitting motorcycle helmets.

I came to realize that in some of my conversations with colleagues that I was interrupting their conversations. It doesn’t help that my mind races at a million miles per hour when I am in a creative moment, but it is important for me, as a therapist, to correct that behaviour.

When training to become a homeopath, it was instilled in us that “a case well taken, is a case likely to succeed” and this meant not only asking the right questions, but listening carefully to the replies. Or what was not said. In homeopathy there is what is called a PQRS – peculiar, queer(it had a very different meaning back a couple of centuries ago), rare and strange symptom. This will be so different to the usual symptoms of a complaint that it will often lead directly to a remedy.
Similarly in coaching and hypnotherapy, listening carefully to the client will often result in an intuitive response that leads to great insights. Intuition is enhanced by taking time to still your own mind and stop those thoughts or impulsive answers. As the mind chatter subsides you can also become aware of your own, considered responses. Ask yourself “Is my language positive?”

A great acronym to remember is THINK –
Is it
– True?
– Helpful?
– Inspiring?
– Necessary?
– Kind?

Reflection

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ReflectionAnother of my envelope jottings looked at intention and how reflective practices can lead to some amazing solutions.

When you set an intention use the “rule of three”.  Firstly examine what it is that you want, secondly observe what is important to you about this intention and thirdly look at what your ideal outcome is likely to be.

As you go deeper and expand upon your what your intended outcome will bring, it is advantageous to reflect on what will it do for you when you get it.

Time

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Time is a precious commodity and I was reading recently how we have constructed the  concept of time – measuring it in seconds, minutes, hours….. etc.

Time seems to speed up as we are engrossed or having fun and who hasn’t felt time march by so slowly when we are bored?

Then there are those occasions when we can feel like time has been stolen from us. I’ll give an example. I was looking forward to attending a professional development meeting recently, where the speaker was to give a presentation on storytelling. As this is something that interests me, having already been to a workshop on storytelling and I was keen to find out more.

I traveled to the event with a colleague and were lucky to  find a seat in the front row and waited for the pearls of wisdom to drop into our laps. Various topics were talked about but the content didn’t match what was advertised.

Time began to drag as political and social opinions were brought up. A “case study” was distributed and time slowed further…. I couldn’t walk out. Front row. Presentation being filmed. Passenger to take home.

My attention turned to the paper that the case study was printed on. A rectangle, folded to a square and hey presto! Time started to pass more easily as my fingers folded and unfolded this paper to create an origami crane. Settling what I hoped was a look of attention on my face, the remaining paper was also folded to two more, smaller squares and Mother Crane now had two chicks…. quite apt for the metaphor of the birds the presenter used in his case study.

A couple of days later, I eagerly looked forward to a webinar replay that I had signed up for as the time clashed with the aforesaid presentation. It took a little while to begin the topic and this presenter allowed herself to be interrupted by people coming on line and typing comments. About then I started to have the feeling that this too was stealing time. Fortunately the replay came with a fast forward button and I was able to move on.

As a person who presents regular workshops, both events have been a valuable teaching tool. Plan the presentation. Talk about what you said you are going to. Be aware of your body language and tonality whilst presenting. Be present and focus on the topic and if it meant to be educational, deliver awesome content.

Giver or Taker?

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Are you a Giver or Taker? A giver will give of their time, often being the pillar of support for family and friends. Givers are the myriad of volunteers who contribute to charities, faith based organizations and communities. Their reward is not monetary and can’t be measured accurately as a marker of economic growth or downturn, but if they weren’t there their contribution would be sorely missed. You may have met the Giver who shares knowledge without thought of recompense as their reward is contributing to the growth of the recipient. It is also helpful to reflect on what a Giver gains by giving. There may not be an explicit reason for their giving and often the Giver is rewarded by emotional satisfaction. Gandhi said “The best way to lose yourself is by service to others.”

Open hearted and trusting, Givers are often naive when faced with the neediness of a Taker and they would benefit from realizing that they too, need boundaries. A Taker will often deride a Giver’s altruism, calling them a “soft touch” or weak, not realizing that by giving generously of time, information, energy or labour that the Giver has strength in their service.

Takers on the other hand, are those who are likely to be close hearted. They may present as the person who is driven to succeed at all costs, little realizing that the ultimate cost is to them. It is likely that you know a Taker or two.  The person who only calls when they want something or perhaps it’s that person who, once they have the ideas or information they need from you, packages it up and delivers it as their own.

Other takers are what Sonia Choquette calls “Energy Vampires” and they are very familiar to therapists working in the holistic field. An Energy Vampire is attracted to the energy and open heart of the Giver, and unless there are adequate boundaries in place, the Giver will suffer “burn out”. Surprisingly, the Taker is often unaware of their unconscious greed, for that is what it is. In order to fulfill a need buried deep in the subconscious, the Taker is constantly looking for fulfillment by taking time, information, energy or labour that they feel will help them in some way.

Maintaining an equilibrium or balance between giving and taking and not being attached to the outcome is ideal. The concept of “Paying it Forward” is well known and you may have received from one source, but you are not obligated to return the favour.

Release and Surrender

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Recently I drew 2 cards – one was an oracle card that said “Release and Surrender” from Doreen Virtue’s Daily Guidance from Your Angels and the second was 7 of Cups from the Rider Waite Tarot. Usually I keep my personal readings to myself, but today I’m sharing.

The first card has the words “We shower you with blessings of our radiant love. Open your arms, and release the challenges that you’ve held tightly gripped within your hands. Open your hands, arms and heart to our love and assistance.”

“So what?” you might say and if you are not into cards, synchronicity read no further. For me this has some significance…. it’s the 5th time this particular card has come up at random for me recently. My belief system is that I’m being tapped on the shoulder to listen to the message.

The second card came with a few interpretations. The first was “Among many options choose the one closest to your heart” and to use dreams and imagination to create a different future. The second interpretation was that the querent (me) might be building too many castles in the air and it’s time to sort out truth from fiction. A third interpretation was that this card represents limitless possibilities and potential and a need to focus on the future directions. Which interpretation to pay heed to?

Today, I’m starting the process of releasing and surrender to the limitless possibilities that the universe offers…….

Cards

A Balanced Life

Today I drew 2 cards. It’s not something I usually share, but the first card was from Doreen Virtue’s Daily Guidance from your Angels and the second card was from the Rider Waite Tarot. How are they related? The first was entitled “Release and Surrender” and over the past few weeks I have drawn this card 5 times. To me that means the Universe is tapping me on the shoulder to listen to a message. It’s a card about “releasing the challenges that you’ve held tightly gripped within your hands”. The second card was from the Rider Waite Tarot pack and there are several interpretations. The first was to consider a message that one might be building too many castles in the air. The second interpretation of the card was “ to relax the mind and open to the dreams and imaginings that an inner child loves to entertain”  whilst the third interpretation was about representing limitless possibilities and potential but the need to focus.

The past few months have been difficult. I won’t go into details, but I’m a strong believer in what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. It’s not just the messages from the cards, they have been helpful in coming to today’s decision and I’m releasing and surrendering some old dreams and challenges to make way for the new. It will be a gradual process as I listen more to the promptings from my inner child and the universe and relax into the potential that the cards have revealed.

Vulnerability

A Balanced Life

Vulnerability - strength or weakness The Urban dictionary  defines Vulnerability as “Someone who is completely raw and open, unguarded with their heart, mind and soul. Being vulnerable happens when you trust completely. Rather its vulnerability by pain or joy, it’s being exposed with all of the emotions that make it easy for someone (someone you trust) to really do some emotional damage or healing.. Vulnerability is the surrender of all control and personal power in regards to letting someone close enough to destroy you!”

Examining this definition, I got the impression that the person that wrote the entry regarded vulnerability as a weakness, particularly when reading the last sentence. Reflecting on the first sentence, I immediately felt that not everyone would be completely “raw and open” and there would be degrees of emotion expressed when allowing oneself to be vulnerable.

Other questions sprang to mind.

  • Does complete trust necessarily mean that you are vulnerable?
  • To what degree is being “unguarded with heart, mind and soul” a vulnerability? and do all three have to be unguarded at the same time?
  • Does having an open/unguarded heart indicate a weakness or a strength?
  • Is there an expectation that people will emotionally damage you if you are vulnerable?
  • Can you still be vulnerable if you have good boundaries and personal power?

I don’t profess to have all the answers to these questions but I am finding that as I chip away at patterns, beliefs and emotional responses that I have accumulated over the years, that unguarding my heart and being vulnerable in certain situations has given me much more than staying closed and protected. It is not only about trusting those that you choose to show your vulnerability to, but trusting yourself to know that it is right to let some of those old things go. As you build the trust in both yourself and others, the open heart starts to learn that not everyone is out to damage or hurt you, but many will offer support and provide healing to old wounds.

Attracting what you want

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Attracting what you want through the Wisdom of the Soul

There are many ways of attracting what you want, from vision boarding to following the principles of the Law of Attraction. Far too often we will focus on what we don’t want and get that instead. If you don’t know how to attract what you do want, you can make some conscious changes. Firstly, make the decision to be in a state of constant, ever improving state of BEING. If this is a new concept for you, think about how the world has changed by constantly evolving. We are, after all human beings.

However, don’t change yourself to become something you are not as this damages your inner psyche and people will see you as inauthentic. Be who you are. Change comes about as you evolve.

When you are congruent you can live out your full potential and do everything that you came into this life to do. You are perfect for this journey! As you evolve and become more effective at using the talents that you already have, you will begin to attract what it is that you really want by doing what you do best.

You can use the BE, DO, HAVE model (see previous post) to create a wealth consciousness – attracting the abundance and prosperity that you so deserve.

Take note of what has worked for you in the past. As you become truly aligned with your inner self, you will find that obstacles disappear and nothing gets in the way as the energy flows. Creating a relationship with the universe, rather than focusing on outcomes builds the energy in a positive way.

For me, my regular vision page, done each New Moon helps to order my thoughts to create this alignment. Another key aspect to attracting what you want is to charge your focus by dreaming and thinking big.

What will you be seeing, feeling or saying to yourself when you achieve your goal or dreams? Notice your self-talk because what we perceive is what we are projecting. What we feel or how we believe in something affects the chances of success.

Again, take some time to notice what you tell yourself or what you are choosing not to do over the next 90 days. If you feel drawn to pursuing this further, then check out my Coaching Page HERE or use the contact form below to register your inquiry.

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Intention

A Balanced Life, Coaching,

calling of your soul intentionWhat is your intention? How do you set an intention? There are some simple steps you can follow to help you set your intention and reach your goals. There are some levels of abstraction in doing this as you align your conscious thoughts with your subconscious mind.

Let’s start with what you want.

Take as much time as you need to ponder this and be as specific as possible.

 

  • What is it about what you want that is really important to you?
  • What is the ideal outcome or goal that you are seeking?
  • And when you get that, what will that do for you?
  • What is the gift in that?

The next step is to audit what you already have. So if your intention is to reduce weight, you know that you have a body, but your goal is to have a fit and slender body.

What do you need to do in order to achieve your goal? Let’s step this out…. in order to have the body shape you desire, what you have to do is to follow a sensible eating plan and incorporate some exercise or movement into your daily routine. But don’t stop here…. there’s more!

intention to be all you can beThe next step is to go within and ask yourself who you have to be in order to do what you want to have.

You have to be aware of what you are eating and portion sizes; to be truthful in recording foods, kilos, centimetres; to be committed to your exercise plan. When you have all these steps in place you will find that your goal becomes easier to attain. Notice your attitude about your health and achieving vitality and fitness.

Perhaps your goal or intention is to become a coach that gets great results with clients. Firstly, you have to believe in yourself and be your own hero. Apply and follow the Be, Do, Have principles to this and see the results. Pay attention and examine what has brought you to this particular moment.

Your self- audit brings to your conscious mind that you have a gift for insights into people’s problems and some healing abilities, but your goal is to develop those skills further.

What do you need to do in order to achieve this goal? Let’s step this out again…. in order to have the skills you desire, what you have to do is to nurture yourself and let go of internal criticisms, find a mentor or a teacher who recognises your gifts and incorporate regular meditation sessions into your daily routine.

The next step is to go within and ask yourself who you have to be in order to do what you want to have.  You have to be aware of what you are studying and the insights that your teachers can give you; to be committed to your clients; to be authentic; to be centred while coaching or giving treatments and so on.

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New Moon

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New Moon goalsWith the New Moon coming up at the end of the week, my thoughts have turned to how I might prepare my monthly vision page. As this is the first New Moon of the new financial year I have decided to structure it a little differently to usual and will approach it similarly to a self coaching session. It will be interesting to see if the results are different as I sit down after a meditation session and journal my answers to the following questions:

What do I want for the month ahead of this New Moon? I’m going to keep the language positive and in the present, recording my intentions on my vision page. I may or may not create a Q & A table to order my thoughts, but it is highly probable that I may create a page that looks more like a mind map as I am quite visual.

I might create a page around the “W” questions…What? Where? When? Who? and write the answers accordingly.

  • What do I want to change in the month ahead of the New Moon?
  • Who can help me achieve this change? Does it depend on me alone or can I ask for help?
  • Do I have an outcome in mind when I make these changes? By stating my outcome in positive language, my brain is more likely to accept the changes and turn the goals into reality
  • What do I want to achieve? Saying what I DO want will help me focus on a positive outcome and it’s important to make this about something for me and not what others might want me to do.
  • What action do I need to take to make these changes? A vision will remain just a dream unless there is action.
  • When will I take action to make these changes? If I want to write a book, then my first step would be to set a realistic time frame and to create some space on a daily basis to do some writing.
  • Will achieving the goals for this month have a bearing on my long term goals? As the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said “Every journey starts with a single step”. By achieving small and realistic goals, we begin to feel more confident

A valuable part of the process is ensuring that my outcomes for the month will be realistic and achievable.  In addition I’m going to make my page as multi sensory as possible- using visual, auditory and kinaesthetic language. What do I see, hear or feel about my vision for the month ahead?

If you would like more help in creating your Vision Book and regular pages or for more information about Coaching, follow THIS link