Category Archives: A Balanced Life

Create Space

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Create spaceFollowing on from last week’s post, once we let go of what no longer serves us, we can create space. Why do we need to create space? Because from energetic and Feng Shui  points of view, clutter is what obstructs the free flow of energy. Clutter that remains can be physical or emotional. Who has a kitchen drawer full of utensils that might be used just occasionally? When was the last time you used that fancy melon baller? If it was longer than six months ago, it is most likely to be clutter.

Setting your intention to clear and create space for the new to come in can be emotionally challenging. I have boxes of books that I inherited from my deceased parents that I open only very occasionally. I admit that they are clutter and in going through them and dispatching them to somewhere where they may be appreciated, I will not only clear some physical space but the emotional attachment from hanging onto them.

In fact, you can physically create space for yourself by finding a pleasant nook in the garden or somewhere in the house that is just yours. Plant some fragrant flowintentioners or a shady shrub with a comfortable space to sit and contemplate. For the interior, decorate your space in colours and furnishings that please you.

This card from the Enchanted Map oracle deck has a beautiful message. ” Deliberate, clear intentions have the power to change your world”.  Colette writes further that “the good intentions of others will inspire you to send out beautiful ones of your own.”

The intention for this week is to: release the need to hold onto things from the past that no longer serve me.

Release What Hasn’t Worked

A Balanced Life,

IntentionBuilding on last week’s intention to focus on a healthier lifestyle, I have started to release what hasn’t worked for me in the past and the current energy of the February New Moon is an ideal time to do this. Building a healthier lifestyle is not only about food, it’s also about mental, emotional and spiritual health. Mentally – it’s checking in on what I’m focusing on. Am I thinking positively or have I got myself into a spiral of negative or unhelpful thoughts? Emotionally – it’s about checking in to make sure I am acting (or re-acting) in an emotionally intelligent manner. Spiritually – am I making time to nurture my soul?

Release what hasn't workedI love the message that this oracle card gives. When you release the negativity and the investment in an outcome, it may seem miraculous, but opportunities open up. You can choose to allow the universe to assist you on a spiritual level or use a coach or therapist to work to remove and release your subconscious beliefs.

A quick look through my vision book from several years ago, showed me that I have been setting goals that haven’t been reached – either because they were too unrealistic or didn’t align with my true purpose or I have unconsciously sabotaged myself in some way.

My intention for this week is to:  Release unhelpful habits and beliefs through coaching with a trusted colleague.

 

Embrace Risk

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“Embrace risk and stop worrying about the consequences.
On your death bed, it’s too late.”

This is the first of Five Steps to a Better You in 2020 written by Steve Miller, a hypnotherapist that I follow on Facebook from Birmingham in the UK.  There are risks in staying within your comfort zone when it comes to daily life. The days will blend into weeks, which in turn blend into months of bland “beigeness” and before you know it another year has drifted past and all you have are monotone memories of another year gone by.

Embrace Risk

Can you remember back to a time when you were a child and you did embrace risk? Perhaps it was when you were learning to ride a bicycle. I can clearly remember that moment. I was playing with a friend in the small village we lived in. I was on my friend’s bicycle. My friend’s father was holding the seat and running behind me….. and then he wasn’t. But I didn’t care – I was moving along by myself.  I wasn’t worrying about the consequences of falling off – which I eventually did because I didn’t know how to stop.

Can you remember the frisson of excitement in your tummy when you did something new? That fluttering feeling of excitement, which is so often mistaken for anxiety when we start to get into our head space rather than our feeling space.

To embrace risk is to trust yourself and your inner strengths. Sometimes you need a little shove in the right direction, a little kick up the arse to get the momentum going, but when you do embrace risk – and it can be a calculated risk – then you are more likely to have no regrets on your death bed. Which reminds me of one of my favourite songs…..

 

Emotional Intelligence

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Strengths and VulnerabilitiesIt is accepted that IQ – the Intelligence Quotient – is fixed. You either have it or not. But Emotional Intelligence can be learned and that is why it is important to differentiate between an inherent weakness and vulnerability. To diverge slightly…. when I was training to become a homeopath, we learned that if you remove the cause (eg: poor sanitation) then health outcomes improve. When there are lifestyle changes made: such as choosing healthy foods, one’s vulnerability to poor health or disease is lessened.  Likewise with Emotional Intelligence Coaching: if you identify the vulnerability and remove or change the contributing factors, the possibilities are endless. There may be some adjustments to be made – both in mindset and in the physical body and it is similar to the aches and pains felt after starting a new workout at the gym as the muscles get stretched and adjust to new levels of fitness.

In my search for Emotional Intelligence related meanings I came across an article  that described four types of vulnerability:

  • Physical
  • Economic
  • Social
  • Attitudinal.

For instance, the dictionary definition of vulnerability states that there is “a capability or susceptibility to being wounded or hurt” which implies that it is a possibility, not necessarily a given that something will happen. Whereas weakness in one definition that I came across,  is portrayed as “a disadvantage or fault” often of character or a lack of determination.

Emotional Intelligence is not only being aware of your own emotional responses to a myriad of situations, but also being cognizant of the emotions of those around you. It’s how you manage your behavior, how optimistic or resilient you are and how you manage your stress. In your relationships, whether they are personal, social or business – it’s about how you communicate, manage conflict, build team bonds or inspire others to lead.

Want to know more?

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Empathy

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EmpathyEmpathy is one of 26 key competencies in the 4 Quadrant Model of Social + Emotional Intelligence®. Emotional Intelligence is about being aware of not only of yourself as well as others. Empathy is also about how to manage behaviours and relationships.

So what is empathy? Who has it and what are the signs of someone who doesn’t have it?

The Oxford Dictionary defines empathy as “The ability to understand and share the feelings of another”. The definition that I have on my own SEI profile is “- sensing others’ feelings and perspectives, and taking an active interest in their concerns; the ability to put yourself in another’s place and to take that perspective into account in your relationship with the other person.”

You would expect most therapists and coaches to have empathy with their clients as they listen for and observe both spoken and unspoken cues. In my humble opinion, if you come across a therapist or coach that lacks this quality….. find someone else.  There are several signs that pinpoint that someone is lacking in this competency. Firstly, they will tend to stereotype others. Another clue is the inability to “read” people or their emotions and respond without considering how another might feel about that response. A third and telling sign is that they are often in conflict and don’t take any personal responsibility for creating these situations.

Whether you believe in unseen energies or not, humans are energy beings and the research undertaken by the HeartMath Institute has shown that the energy field generated by the heart can influence both our emotional responses and those of others nearby. Of course, you don’t have to be a therapist to have empathy, you may be a good listener – which is always a good start.

The good news is, that if someone is lacking in empathy, there are ways to develop this important emotional intelligence competency. It is possible to learn how to become more empathetic. For instance, to be a good listener, you first need to quiet the chatter in your mind. Too often people are forming responses before the speaker has finished. Above all, a regular meditation practice will help you to listen with a clear mind. Practice the power of the pause.  This will help you to respond in a manner that shows sensitivity to the speaker. Learn to paraphrase what you think you have heard and most importantly withhold judgement as everyone has a different perspective.

Needless to say, if you feel that you need to develop this particular intelligence or any of the other 26 competencies for Emotional Intelligence, then schedule a Discovery Session or some coaching sessions.

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Ripples

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Watching the ripples expand across the water in ever increasing circles. Just stepping into the water  – a simple action – started this reaction.

Dr Randolph Stone, the creator of Polarity Therapy wrote “Energy must have a center to  move from and an objective to flow to”. The ripples are energy made visible. Other energies such as thoughts are unseen, but they too can have a ripple effect. Emotions – both positive and negative can wash over us and the ripples can be far reaching. Polarity Therapy subscribes to the belief in 5 elements, but these differ slightly to the traditional Chinese Medicine ones. They are Ether, Air, Fire, Water and Earth. The Water element qualities are receptivity, intuition, nurture and creativity. The flow of water, as opposed to stagnation, nourishes and connects.

Little wonder that ripples on a body of water create such a powerful metaphor  – the ripples as they reach out further and further, begin to flatten out as this subtle energy dissipates and surface tension returns to what it previously was before the disturbance. Yet below the surface or where the ripples or waves have made constant contact, there may be profound changes.

I am reminded of this poem by James W. Foley

Drop a Pebble in the Water

Drop a pebble in the water: just a splash, and it is gone;
But there’s half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea.
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.

Drop a pebble in the water: in a minute you forget,
But there’s little waves a-flowing, and there’s ripples circling yet,
And those little waves a-flowing to a great big wave have grown;
You’ve disturbed a mighty river just by dropping in a stone.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute it is gone;
But there’s half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
They keep spreading, spreading, spreading from the center as they go,
And there is no way to stop them, once you’ve started them to flow.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute you forget;
But there’s little waves a-flowing, and there’s ripples circling yet,
And perhaps in some sad heart a mighty wave of tears you’ve stirred,
And disturbed a life was happy ere you dropped that unkind word.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: just a flash and it is gone;
But there’s half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Bearing hope and joy and comfort on each splashing, dashing wave
Till you wouldn’t believe the volume of the one kind word you gave.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: in a minute you forget;
But there’s gladness still a-swelling, and there’s joy a-circling yet,
And you’ve rolled a wave of comfort whose sweet music can be heard
Over miles and miles of water just by dropping one kind word.

 

 

Where is Spirit leading you?

A Balanced Life, Coaching, Energy, Hypnotherapy, spirit, Transformation, ,

You know you are on the right path, when you feel that tingle of anticipation. A combination of expectancy and apprehension….The path ahead may look a little less travelled and there is that brief moment of discomfort as you step out of the familiar (or same old, same old …… others may be blunter and call it a rut) and into the new and exciting future.

Imagine….. that this path leads you to discover some amazing insights and to connect with people just like you. Imagine… as you step into this energy that you know that Spirit has led you home.

Whatever stage you are on your journey, there are guides there supporting you. Some are visible, others may be glimpsed briefly and there may be some that have chosen not to reveal themselves to you at this stage. All you need to do is accept the signs and the help that is offered.

Listening

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Recently I found that I wasn’t listening as well as I should. Quite apart from the slight deafness that has come about after decades of poor fitting motorcycle helmets.

I came to realize that in some of my conversations with colleagues that I was interrupting their conversations. It doesn’t help that my mind races at a million miles per hour when I am in a creative moment, but it is important for me, as a therapist, to correct that behaviour.

When training to become a homeopath, it was instilled in us that “a case well taken, is a case likely to succeed” and this meant not only asking the right questions, but listening carefully to the replies. Or what was not said. In homeopathy there is what is called a PQRS – peculiar, queer(it had a very different meaning back a couple of centuries ago), rare and strange symptom. This will be so different to the usual symptoms of a complaint that it will often lead directly to a remedy.
Similarly in coaching and hypnotherapy, listening carefully to the client will often result in an intuitive response that leads to great insights. Intuition is enhanced by taking time to still your own mind and stop those thoughts or impulsive answers. As the mind chatter subsides you can also become aware of your own, considered responses. Ask yourself “Is my language positive?”

A great acronym to remember is THINK –
Is it
– True?
– Helpful?
– Inspiring?
– Necessary?
– Kind?

Reflection

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ReflectionAnother of my envelope jottings looked at intention and how reflective practices can lead to some amazing solutions.

When you set an intention use the “rule of three”.  Firstly examine what it is that you want, secondly observe what is important to you about this intention and thirdly look at what your ideal outcome is likely to be.

As you go deeper and expand upon your what your intended outcome will bring, it is advantageous to reflect on what will it do for you when you get it.

Time

A Balanced Life,

Time is a precious commodity and I was reading recently how we have constructed the  concept of time – measuring it in seconds, minutes, hours….. etc.

Time seems to speed up as we are engrossed or having fun and who hasn’t felt time march by so slowly when we are bored?

Then there are those occasions when we can feel like time has been stolen from us. I’ll give an example. I was looking forward to attending a professional development meeting recently, where the speaker was to give a presentation on storytelling. As this is something that interests me, having already been to a workshop on storytelling and I was keen to find out more.

I traveled to the event with a colleague and were lucky to  find a seat in the front row and waited for the pearls of wisdom to drop into our laps. Various topics were talked about but the content didn’t match what was advertised.

Time began to drag as political and social opinions were brought up. A “case study” was distributed and time slowed further…. I couldn’t walk out. Front row. Presentation being filmed. Passenger to take home.

My attention turned to the paper that the case study was printed on. A rectangle, folded to a square and hey presto! Time started to pass more easily as my fingers folded and unfolded this paper to create an origami crane. Settling what I hoped was a look of attention on my face, the remaining paper was also folded to two more, smaller squares and Mother Crane now had two chicks…. quite apt for the metaphor of the birds the presenter used in his case study.

A couple of days later, I eagerly looked forward to a webinar replay that I had signed up for as the time clashed with the aforesaid presentation. It took a little while to begin the topic and this presenter allowed herself to be interrupted by people coming on line and typing comments. About then I started to have the feeling that this too was stealing time. Fortunately the replay came with a fast forward button and I was able to move on.

As a person who presents regular workshops, both events have been a valuable teaching tool. Plan the presentation. Talk about what you said you are going to. Be aware of your body language and tonality whilst presenting. Be present and focus on the topic and if it meant to be educational, deliver awesome content.