Category Archives: Coaching

Three Keys to building your Emotional Intelligence

There is an art to being emotionally intelligent.

How so you might say?

Whilst there have been stacks of books and plenty of research on the subject, when it comes to improving your Emotional Intelligence you have to get in touch with your inner ARTist as I outlined in a recent presentation.

Firstly you have to Assess your emotions. Positive or negative, feel the emotions and name them and then let them go.

The second key is to Recognise that all emotions are feedback in some way.

  • Can you recognise patterns as you experience a particular emotion?
  • Is there a trigger that creates your response?

When you start to recognise these patterns, then you will have created a neural pathway that causes you to respond that way. Once you become aware of your own patterns of action or reaction, then you will also start to notice how other people react to triggers.

The third key is Transformation. This will begin to happen as you acknowledge your emotions as useful tools for feedback. Part of this transformative process is reflecting whether you are doing one of several things.

  • Are you denying the emotion or your feelings?
  • Are you over reacting or are you repressing the emotion?

Take a step back….. pause and do some deep breathing and allow yourself some space. If you feel you need some help in building your Emotional Intelligence muscle, then call or use the contact form to schedule some coaching sessions.

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5 Steps to value your time

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time.”

M Scott Peck

  1. Track your time – create a spreadsheet in half hour blocks for each day of the week. Record when you are sleeping and all your other activities. Initially this may seem like you are “time wasting” but you will be surprised at what actually does take up your time. Include things such as time taken to travel to various places, shopping, showering, eating, etc.
  2. Prioritise – make a list of what is important. Sleep should be up there as a significant block of time as is time to spend with your nearest and dearest ones. Make sure you identify the difference between your regular “to do list” and projects you are undertaking. Set some deadlines for the completion of the tasks. You might also want to identify which activities are “fun” to do and those that are not. Reward yourself by doing the less fun ones first and the enjoyable ones later.
  3. Schedule or timetable everything else. Be flexible – you may want to create several schedules so that you get some variety each week. If you need to be on social media for your business, or answer emails then set aside some time to do that. There are numerous scheduling tools that can be used to automatically post to various platforms, but do make some of your posts spontaneous! For instance, I have a set time once a week to write blog posts (like this one). In that time I will write on a number of topics and save to a document to use later when I have scheduled in clients or have set time aside to prepare for upcoming workshops.
  4. Stop procrastinating – be honest with yourself. What excuses or reasons are you coming up with to justify your inaction? Do you value yours and other people’s time? Have you allowed enough time to get to your appointments?
  5. Focus – or learn the art of mindfulness. Multi tasking is so last century….. when your attention is divided, your energy is scattered. If you are following your schedule then you will complete tasks in what seems like no time at all. If your attention span is short, then schedule the tasks into small but incremental steps… the foundation of successful goal setting!

Dream Stealers

“All our dreams can come true,

if we have the courage to pursue them.”

Walt Disney

There are 3 things that will take up your time and steal from your dreams. One is unavoidable and the other two will creep in and take up time that you could be taking action to move from a dream to reality.

They are:

  • Sleep
  • TV
  • Procrastination

It’s worthwhile to have an honest audit about the time you spend on each of these.

Sleep is necessary for our well being and studies show that poor sleep habits or interrupted sleep has a significant impact on our effectiveness. Too little sleep can be as unhelpful as too much.

TV or other electronic diversions such as social media can consume valuable time and time is the most valuable resource we can access. I grew up with a side plate that my grandmother gave me that had the words “Time and tide wait for no man”. It meant little to me as a child, but as the years have flown by, the meaning has become more relevant. Whilst we are unable to make more time regardless of our means and we can never get time back, we can manipulate it through self hypnosis. Reading other people’s posts on social media can be seen as wasting this valuable resource, so it makes sense to schedule limited time to access the various platforms or watching TV alongside scheduling time to work on your dream.

Procrastination or the art of shuffling papers or doing “busy stuff” is perhaps the most insidious time/dream stealer.

Ask yourself the following questions:

How much actual work am I doing to achieve my dream?

What changes do you need to make to create goals to achieve your dreams?

What steps do you need to take?

How will life be different for you after making these changes?

What will this allow you to do?

Thankyou for taking some of your valuable time to read this reflection!

 

Imagine

Imagine if there were no more diets to follow.

Imagine waking up each morning energized and not wasting another moment worrying or feeling guilty about what you ate or what exercise you didn’t do.

Imagine feeling strong, confident and loving the body you are in.

How would your life change if you knew how to improve your health and wellbeing by tapping into and trusting the inner wisdom of your own mind?

Did you know that your thoughts and emotions have a direct impact on your body?

How often have you heard of someone who is on a diet and goes to the gym daily, yet struggles to make the physical changes that they are seeking?

You can make the changes you need to easily and effortlessly with tailored weight reduction Hypnotherapy sessions and the best thing is, you will discover that by reaching out and discovering your subconscious or gut feelings that you are your own best friend and authority when it comes to what you do and eat.

Your mind and body have a unique connection and will collaborate to create a reality based on your thoughts. You can learn how to change those unhelpful thoughts and improve your health and wellbeing in just a few sessions so that your body and mind can co-create the results that you have already imagined.

 

Believe

We all have an innate desire to protect what we already have and our ego will go to great lengths to make sure that what drives us will make us look good and get it right.  One of our key drivers is to feel a sense of certainty in our lives and to feel significant.

For some, self doubt will creep in and for a few this may lead to feelings of hopelessness or helplessness fueled by a lack of choice. Yet others will demonstrate a great flexibility in their behaviour and choose to focus on what they want. The mind is a funny thing, it’s actually a great goal setting machine and it will take you to where ever you choose to go..

The reality is that we all have a choice on what we focus on and you need to develop a keen sense of knowing if you are getting what you really want.

Check in using various strategies – ask yourself if you can see, hear or feel if this is right for you.

Check your language – is it positive or negative?  The mind works in symbols and you can shift the way that you are thinking about you by creating a vision that is exciting and inspiring.

Make it a clear vision and start to take responsibility for your goals and aspirations. I’m sure you have heard the saying “life is not a dress rehearsal”. Take a moment to go within and set some goals to be the best you can be…. knowing that you have most of the resources that you need within you already!

Steps to take:

  • Be clear about the outcome.
  • Take action
  • Be aware if what you are doing is working
  • Be willing to be flexible if necessary
  • Believe…..trust your unconscious mind as it will always tell you what it needs…. are you listening to it?

Issues

We all, at some time or another, have issues.

It is our choice as to how we act or react.

If we have come from a fear or control based childhood our responses are likely to be different from someone who has come from an emotionally intelligent background.

By overcomplicating things, we can often exacerbate an issue…..  who hasn’t heard of the saying “making mountains out of molehills” ?

By learning some simple emotional intelligence strategies, we can escape the return to “default” and exercise choice in our responses. These strategies will give you the courage to identify fears or issues and by facing them, you will resolve them. For example if you have an issue with conflict, then a useful strategy is to become aware of different perspectives. Ask yourself “What alternatives and opinions can be considered instead of sticking rigidly to this perspective?”

Simplicity

Planting seeds at balance4lifeWith the end of the financial year upon us, new goals are set for the following quarter, much as once the ground becomes a little warmer, we will sow our spring crops.

Plant those seeds too early and the frost, much like the weeds of anger, avarice, envy and doubt will hold back a successful harvest.

By focusing on your goals and making them clear, you will simplify your life and / or your business. If you are looking for some certainty in your life, then using tried and tested goal setting models will simplify the process. Trust that by doing this, you are allowing your energy to flow more readily and actually help to turn those thoughts into reality.

A dream is a goal without a deadline….

Reflect on what you have been focusing on… it is said that you create more of whatever you focus on…. so make it positive! Release anything that hasn’t worked and let it go with gratitude and grace, because nothing stays the same for ever. Change can create great shifts of growth and awareness. Choosing to change a situation that has not turned out as expected can take some effort and is not necessarily a failure.  Be honest with yourself and identify and face the problem.  Are you in a negative or positive mindset? Fear based beliefs are  often carried over from childhood subconsciously and when they are cleared, there is often a quiet space in which you become self aware and open.  As you become more aware of your thoughts and the energy that they carry, you can better trust in the process and awaken to your full potential.

Achievable goals happen when you have clarity of thought… is this path leading me to where I really want to be or is it a diversion? Know what it is that you are aiming for.  It’s one thing to recognize opportunity…. the key to success is taking action!

Abundance or Scarcity Mindset

Health and wellness professionals frequently cross refer, as do accountants and lawyers. Many medical clinics have a number of doctors on the premises and you may see one that has a time more convenient to you than your regular doctor. Each of those doctors will have a different style, different mannerisms and you may well find that you choose to see a different doctor depending on what ailment you have. General Practitioners refer all the time to various specialists and will often have a few specialists in a particular area that they endeavour to match well with their patient.

Personally, I see a variety of health practitioners if my body is in need of some attention. On my list of preferred practitioners are an acupuncturist, naturopath, osteopath and a medical practitioner.  If I need mental health care, I will consult with a hypnotherapist or counsellor. When you compare what they all do, the similarity ends with delivering health care, yet each practitioner is successful in their own field.

How the care is delivered, is what separates them. The naturopath, hypnotherapist and osteopath spend a greater length of time delivering direct care and the consultations can take up to an hour. The acupuncturist will take a history and then place the needles in and leave you to relax for around 20 minutes, and the medical practitioner is unfortunately bound by the Medicare model and has just 10 minutes to spend with you and will refer you on for further testing to gain more information about your problem. Of further interest is costing out the hourly costs…. For example if you look at each therapist/clinician’s hourly rate then you may be surprised. If I were to spend an hour with my medical practitioner, I would have to outlay more than $450 an hour and the specialists he/she may refer me to cost far more than that!

Just for a moment imagine that you are an expert in your niche and are approached by a business that caters for some of your ideal clients. It is suggested that a cross referral would be beneficial to both of you and would offer your clients the opportunity to know more about a local business that complements the services you provide and contribute to a sense of community in your locality.

Do you have an abundance or miserly mindset in response to this approach?

An abundance mindset allows you to both grow and if you are in a community, to grow the bonds within that community and creates a ripple effect or expansion of energy. Conversely, a scarcity mindset is all about keeping to yourself and with that, the energy contracts and your contribution and benefits to the community are lessened.

With an abundance mindset, you are comfortable with referrals to another professional or business safe in the knowledge that the universe provides more to those who share, whilst someone with a scarcity or fixed mindset perceives a referrals as a threat to their business.

Which model do you prefer to operate from and which sits more comfortably with your values?

Changing your mindset can take some effort, but the first thing to do is to be willing to change.

When you love what you do, the passion shines through and you will start to feed the mindset you want. It takes effort, not intellect to make the changes and having a vision, coupled with a growth mindset will move you towards your goals so much more quickly.

Spring Reflections

Trials are but lessons that you failed to learn presented once again, so where you made a faulty choice before you can now make a better one, and thus escape all pain that what you chose before has brought to you.

A Course in Miracles

How often do you audit your work life balance?

In business, one is encouraged to come up with  a plan which should be regularly reviewed …at least every 90 days. Achievable goals should be set and if they are not met , it’s OK to revise and tweak them so that a good outcome can be achieved. A good business plan will cover many areas, such as sales, marketing, networking and more. As the business evolves, so too does its needs. There is an ebb and flow of priorities in different areas.

For our personal lives too, we need to set goals so that we don’t just aimlessly drift into the sunset of dreams never fulfilled.  We may set a goal that  seems realistic at the time. Even setting what one networking person described to me as “a great big hairy audacious goal”.

All this is good,  but life will sometimes throw us a curve ball when we least expect it. The lessons to be learned when this happens are invaluable when we stop to reflect. Too much focus on a particular area will result in an imbalance in other areas unless we are diligent in maintaining a healthy work life balance. Many will be familiar with The Wheel of Life tool which is at the bottom of this post.

It’s important to have a positive mindset about any setbacks and ask ourselves the following questions.

  • What can I learn from this?
  • What could I do better next time?
  • What resources do I need to achieve the outcome I desire?
  • What goals do I need to set to achieve my outcome or vision?

Wheel of Life exercise

5 steps to overcoming overwhelm

  1. When you are in overwhelm, it is helpful to think about what it is that you can do right now. By looking at the task as a whole and believebreaking it down into smaller, achievable tasks and thinking small for a moment, you will accomplish more. If there is a lack of movement in your life, consider how you can best use this time to move forward. When you have done that, look at today as the beginning of something new and positive, whilst letting go of the past.
  2. Declutter… you know the old adage…..” a tidy desk equals a tidy mind”…. But it’s more than that.. as you declutter; not only your desk, but your life… you free yourself to see a clear horizon and perhaps to answer your life purpose… Acknowledge that the journey is difficult at times. What skills, abilities do you already possess that will enable you to accomplish the tasks ahead? Look at what is positive in your life already……and try to go one day without any complaints….
  3. Believe in abundance. Trust that you can contribute to the Universe … to feel fear and lack is human…. Go into that feeling and learn from it and trust in the process of life…. map out on paper – or a white board – all the good things in your life already… we learn through the hard work that we do. Use your logic, your intuition and your spirituality to infuse your feelings so you become stronger and clearer.
  4. Consider your strengths…..see the light in others and see it reflected in you…..Use your experiences to make yourself stronger and more resilient. Be aware of self deception, we all make good and bad choices, but what is important is to be aware that they are yours…..
  5. Rest and relaxation. Are you getting enough rest or downtime? To do your best you need to have some time out. As written in the Four Agreements, “ You are alive , so take your life and enjoy it…” Set an intention to be in a state of joy and happiness, tune out anxiety and the daily worries to allow a space for enthusiasm and balance to be a part of every aspect of your life.