Monthly Archives: September 2013

Releasing


On Wednesday the 18th, Ben was euthanased.
It was around this time 14 years ago that we acquired a bundle of blonde energy.
He used to scoot through the cat door until he got too big, then he just put his head through as if to say ” how come this shrunk?”
Lots of happy memories, lots of tears as we took him down to the vet. The kids & I held him as he went, a last big sigh as his soul left and his big strong heart continued to beat for another moment or so….
As the vet said, Ben was a well loved dog, but the time had come with his diabetes, the blindness and arthritis to let him go.
I don’t think a labrador ever loses its appetite, and Ben looked forward to meal times each day and let us know when he was hungry.
He also used to let me know if I had forgotten his insulin – as his main form of communication in the past few months was to bark and wait for a response.
Home with the flu for the last 3 and a half weeks, Ben spent as much time as he could sitting either on my feet or as close as possible.
An exchange of energy perhaps, as Ben was the subject that I practiced on when I became a Reiki Master Teacher.  After he had been attuned to level 1, he liked to sit next to people and would often just casually put his paws on their feet. A few clients who came to my home clinic would ask for him to stay in the room as they enjoyed his company.
Looking back at the photos, it was possible to see a rapid decline as the diabetes, although well controlled, impacted on him.
First his eyesight began to go, but being a quick learner ( & as long as we
didn’t move any furniture) he was able to get around quite well.
The stairs were a problem as peripheral neuropathy affected his hind legs, but he adapted well to that and learned to come up the stairs backwards…. feeling further up his legs to find the stairs.

Gradually he moved his bed from laundry downstairs to upstairs in the lounge (& many nights on the lounge suite) until in recent months he moved into my home office which was closer to the front door, which suited us all as he needed to go outside more frequently during the night….

Last night seemed strange as I returned home…. no dog barking behind the front door or waiting on the front lawn as he had taken to doing. Even if I varied the time I came home, he knew when I was about to arrive, letting other family members know.

Ben didn’t take up much room in the house, but he certainly took up a big space in our hearts.
We will pick up his ashes later next week and plant a rose over them to remind us of him.
Probably a “Blue Moon” .. as a dog like this doesn’t come around very often.

A little soul work

A recent Louise Hay Facebook post suggested that one should take time to ask and explore these simple questions. Having a little time on my hands, as I recovered from the combined effects of a vaccine reaction and the flu, I decided to do this life audit.

What shall I now release from my life?
Fever creates some clarity and what I am now ready to release unhelpful behaviours, such as dwelling on the past – as the saying goes “The past is a country & I don’t live there anymore”. With the suffocating cough, I consulted Louise Hay’s  You Can Heal Your Life and found that the probable cause of coughing is 

  • A desire to bark at the world. “See me! Listen to me!

 …. the new thought pattern or affirmation leaps from the page to shout at me……I AM NOTICED AND APPRECIATED IN THE MOST POSITIVE WAYS. I AM LOVED


What or who no longer works for me?
Still in the tribal chakra realms….. What no longer works for me is denying my spiritual, political and core beliefs. 
I am ready to accept that there is a higher power and a realm of helpers ..be they guides or angels ….. and with the recent federal election was unable to vote with a clear conscience for either major political party and can now announce I am more aligned with the philosophy of the Greens. 

The Who is a little more tricky, but I am ready to let go of many of the people in my life who, although many of whom have been around for 30 plus years, do not exhibit the ability to demonstrate loving or compassionate support when most needed. This includes many members of the family that I married into and was further validated by their complete lack of warmth in welcoming both my son and daughter’s partners into the fold.

What am I holding on to that holds me back?
Old habits die hard…. once a pattern has been established, it is easy to replicate. It is easier to just go with the flow, rather than rock the boat. When you become accustomed to dysfunction, after a while you adapt and it becomes the norm….. Late last week, I did the “right thing” and went to a function even though I was still unwell, that I really didn’t want to go to. Even as I went, my inner voice was chattering away in my ear….”Hypocrite”…..
Another clue is the probable cause from Heal Your Life….

  • Respiratory Ailments …. Fear of taking in life fully. 

So here I am, living a twilight life because I am holding on to what is comfortable, which in reality is holding me back…
The affirmation or new thought pattern is “I am safe. I love my life”. 

Looking back at what I just wrote, the realization  dawns that what is holding me back is procrastination. Finding external excuses to justify the inertia of not making the changes. It really is up to me to create the life I love.

What thoughts or beliefs belong to the old me?
Growing up in my own dysfunctional family, there was a strong competitive streak for academic achievement between my brother and myself. Homework time was difficult as he seemed to grasp the Maths so easily and could add long lists of numbers like my father, in his head. 

It was easy to believe that I was “not good enough” at Maths, choir, sport and the list goes on. Yet I surprised everyone by getting 100% for a geometry test not long after and was most indignant when it was suggested that I had somehow cheated. I understood the shapes, the sacred geometry and could “see” how it worked, whereas the numbers alone or in algebraic formulas made no sense at all. 
Having people around me that don’t believe in me is no longer an option and last week a family member questioned me about the diagnosis of a vaccine reaction. That may not have fitted her belief system, as she has total faith in vaccinations. I need to trust in my gut reactions and create clear boundaries in order to believe in me!!

How am I being unloving to myself?
How cleverly I have manifested excess weight and recent illnesses!! 
By being unwell, the cycle of lack of energy and being unfit are ways in which I can be unkind to this physical body. 

The last couple of weeks has seen me juicing and the vitality of the fresh fruits and vegetables are helping my body and soul mend. By denying my soul connection to living a more spiritual life, by living out of integrity, I have been harsh and unloving to myself.

Am I ready to let go?
A resounding yes!!! The last few weeks have been like a hibernation… a retreat into a cocoon…. and with spring well and truly in the air, it is time to emerge and let go of the past. Yes, some of the experiences may have defined my perception of the the world, but even as my body is still weak and I am repairing, the spirit feels so much stronger and ready to soar.

What do I believe that really works for me?
 

It has taken a while, but I am starting to trust in myself, trusting my own judgement. So trusting in the universe a little more often seems like a pretty good idea too! 
Looking back, there have been many instances of how things have worked out just OK for me whilst all around is chaos. 
This is now the time to trust that the angels, my guides will lead me towards a future that is fulfilling and full of love, laughter and abundance.

What is going on in my life that is terrific and wonderful?
A sense of anticipation with life changes that are happening in so many subtle and wonderful ways. 
A new grandchild and observing a new family unit being created with such love, yet seeing them not accepting the dysfunctional behaviours exhibited by cousins that were once close. 
A few close and special friends who also have an interest in the spiritual and esoteric check in on me from time to time. New friends with similar ethics have offered to help and whilst this is a little strange, I can learn to be open to their warm and loving ways.

Where am I being very loving to myself?

I am allowing myself time off. Time to sit. To think. To just be. I am going within and having a big spring clean of memories, perceptions and allowing myself time to grieve. Not just for the loss of my father, but the loss of my mother who died in 1999. I went to Perth for the funeral, came back to Melbourne and life just went on and I was surrounded by people who just didn’t seem to care, or who didn’t like any expression of emotion.

Where am I most content?
I have a soul urge to go back to the bush. To have a place where I can just be. 
Not the desert, where I am equally comfortable, but a place that has some clear plains, maybe a small rise with some granite boulders and some old, river gums. 
Where I can see the sunlight glinting on the half moon, crescent shaped leaves and the textures & colours of the bark. Where I can go outside at night and see the stars.     
Let me acknowledge myself for all the growth and change.
 

What do I want to bring to my life?
Integrity, warmth and understanding and abundance.

What do I want to create?

A life with no further regrets. A life full of laughter, full of genuine friends. A life that contributes in

some small way to helping others become who they truly deserve to be.

How do I want the next year to be?
Busy, yet not frantic. With time to enjoy my children’s achievements and accomplishments. A busy, but rewarding Hypnotherapy practice, seeing clients who are looking to heal their past and to realize their soul potential. Time to find that bush block and build a healing sanctuary and labyrinth to walk within.

Who do I want to bring into my world?
Friends and colleagues who are walking on the same spiritual discovery path. Soulmates, soul friends and those who have something to teach and share.

How do I want to look?
I want to look healthy and at peace.  Radiating health from within to without.

What image do I want to project?
Having taken off the masks that I wore for so long,  there is no longer a need to project an image…  that I am now finally comfortable in my own skin, what you see is what you get. I have allowed the colours and tips to grow out of my hair and am comfortable with the grey and white streaks that have appeared. I have earned these stripes!

How healthy do I want to be?
I am ready now to take better care of my health by reducing weight, leaving unhelpful habits  in the past. I want to be healthy and fit so as to build my dream and not be exhausted.

How prosperous do I want to feel?
Abundance comes in many ways and financial abundance is high on the list. The last few years have seen some struggles with financial abundance and this has allowed a greater appreciation  of the money flow when it happens.

How much love am I willing to experience?
Unlimited, unconditional love!! How big is the universe?

What kind of world do I want to live in?
 The ideal world would be a place where there is a sense of peace, a mindfulness and purpose to daily life. Where there is acceptance for difference, equality in relationships and trust that the Universe has enough for all.

Where do I want my spirituality to go?

To follow my soul urge, to create a sacred space that allows myself and others to get in touch with the core beliefs. To accept that others have their religious beliefs and not impinge upon them, yet maintaining my own boundaries as to my beliefs.

Affirm:

I know that where I am is the totality of possibilities . . . not just a few possibilities, but the totality of all creation.

I am not limited by statistics, medical opinions, time, or authorities.

I am one with the infinite wisdom and capabilities of the Universe itself.

All good is available to me, right here and right now.

All I have to do is to use the power of my thoughts to create that which I desire. I know that. Now let me live it!