Setting Boundaries

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Setting Boundaries with Frenemies

In every social circle, there are friends, acquaintances, and then, occasionally, frenemies. Frenemies, or those who present themselves as friends but act in ways that undermine you, can be challenging to navigate. Establishing boundaries with frenemies is crucial for maintaining mental and emotional well-being.

Here’s a comprehensive guide to help you set those boundaries effectively and protect your well-being.
First – Understand the Frenemy Dynamic

Frenemies can often be subtle in their undermining actions, making it tricky to identify and address their behavior. Common traits of frenemies include:

  • Gossiping: They may spread rumors or talk negatively about you behind your back.
  • Backhanded Compliments: Their compliments often come with an undercurrent of negativity
  • Inconsistency in Behavior: They may be supportive one moment and critical the next.
  • Competition: They seem to view your achievements as a threat rather than a cause for celebration.

Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward setting necessary boundaries.

Why Boundaries Are Important.

Boundaries are essential in any relationship to ensure mutual respect and understanding. With frenemies, boundaries help protect your self-esteem, mental health, and overall well-being. They prevent the frenemy from having undue influence over your emotions and actions.

6 Steps to Establish Boundaries

  1. Identify the Behaviors That Need Addressing: Be clear about what actions or behaviors from the frenemy are unacceptable to you. This clarity will help you communicate your boundaries effectively.
  2. Communicate Clearly and Assertively: When setting boundaries, use “I” statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel uncomfortable when you make jokes at my expense,” instead of “You always insult me.”
  3. Limit Personal Information Sharing: Keep your conversations with frenemies surface-level. Avoid sharing sensitive or personal information that they could use against you.
  4. Set Limits on Interaction: Decide how much time and energy you want to invest in the relationship. It’s okay to decline invitations or distance yourself if interactions with the frenemy leave you feeling drained or upset.
  5. Be Consistent: Consistency is key to maintaining boundaries. If a frenemy crosses a line, address it every time it happens. This reinforces your boundaries and shows that you are serious about them.
  6. Seek Support from True Friends: Surround yourself with friends who genuinely support and uplift you. Their positive influence can help counterbalance any negativity from frenemies.

Strategies for Maintaining Boundaries

  • Practice Self-Care: Prioritize activities that boost your mental and emotional health. Exercise, hobbies, and relaxation can help you stay resilient against any negativity from frenemies.
  • Reevaluate the Relationship: Over time, assess whether maintaining a relationship with a frenemy is worth the effort. Sometimes, it’s healthier to let go of toxic relationships altogether.
  • Use Social Media Wisely: Be mindful of your interactions on social media. You can unfollow or mute a frenemy without fully severing ties, reducing their presence in your digital life.

Dealing with Reactions

Frenemies might resist or react negatively to your boundaries. They might try to guilt-trip you, manipulate situations, or increase their negative behavior. Stand firm and remember why you set those boundaries in the first place. If necessary, limit your contact further or seek advice from a trusted friend or counsellor. Better still, work on strengthening your own Emotional Intelligence so that you can construct effective boundaries.

Establishing and maintaining boundaries with frenemies is a proactive step toward safeguarding your emotional and mental well-being. By identifying problematic behaviors, communicating assertively, and being consistent, you can manage these challenging relationships more effectively. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your happiness and peace of mind over maintaining a relationship that brings negativity into your life.

Catching up

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It’s been a while since the last post here. Catching up on the last couple of months may take some time!

emotions and artWorkshops

It has been wonderful to have participants from the Art Therapy workshops continue each term, regardless of whether the workshop is during the day or late evening.  Sometimes it’s been a challenge to create activities to build on their previous sessions, as well as engaging the new participants! Often lots of laughter when those “ah-ha” moments and insights happen!

Another workshop I’ve been delivering is a pre-learning  program for people with lived experience of mental health challenges. The participants are often interested in “paying it forward” to become Peer Support workers. This program can be challenging due to the sensitive nature of issues disclosed by participants, but I’m fortunate in that I have a wise and caring supervisor  that I can de-brief to when necessary.

At one stage I contemplated applying for a position teaching the advanced program with an accredited organization and actually sent off a resume. That certainly triggered my own issues with returning to a formal education setting and I subsequently withdrew the application.

The Retreat

It’s a decade or slightly more, since the retreat was acquired and I’m pleased to say that it is still organically maintained. Annual mowing of the larger paddock has created better soil moisture as the grass, when slashed, is left as mulch. In turn, this helps to smother some of the weeds. Having not being able to travel there during the lock downs has meant that a different set of weeds popped up and these are being removed by digging them out as they appear.  More planting of trees and shrubs, both deciduous and native has happened. The wildlife has kindly spared the salt bush plantings, although the resident Swamp Wallaby has taken a liking to pruning my pots of peppermint and geraniums.

The labyrinths have fallen into disrepair and a decision has to be made whether to refurbish them or to restore the areas to how they were before.

Refurbishment for the larger 7 ring Cretan labyrinth would mean a lot of digging to redefine the paths and restoration would mean removing the stones and jonquil bulbs from one of the rings.

Don’t forget the sunscreen!

Health wise, a seemingly innocuous spot on the face turned out that it wasn’t due to the aging process and needed to be removed. Dressings on the wound made it very obvious that I’d had a procedure done and although I was very self conscious about it, was able to encourage others to get  regular skin checks. A couple of setbacks with infections of the wound site -a closed eye and bruising is never a good look! People assume all sorts of other scenarios. Fortunately, all is good now and the experience and process has been an invaluable learning experience.

Dragonfly

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Carl Jung coined the term synchronicity to describe a series of coincidences that are experienced by various people. Yesterday began with a challenging decision to make. It ended up being a magical day where the Universe conspired to provide some memorable moments.

Inspiration

I’m a great believer that the Universe sends us inspiration in various ways. I’ve found that random songs on the radio will be played to help with mindset.  My mind was on my decision,  when a song came on the radio. It was upbeat and lifted my energy.  I mentioned the name of the song to the participants in the Mental Health workshop and they all knew the words.

The afternoon Art Therapy workshop.

After the introductions we did an exercise with eyes closed to help with mindfulness. A few moments passed and time to open their eyes.  There was much merriment when one of the group discovered that she had been drawing with the blunt end of her pencil!

Just as the group had started to share their individual experiences a large dragonfly flew in through the open door.

Dragonfly is a symbol of transformation, change and new beginnings. A perfect visitor to the Art Therapy room.

Many cultures celebrate the symbolism of Dragonfly.  In India, it is thought to represent intuition, which is something that Art Therapy helps to develop. Japanese people believe that the Dragonfly represents courage and rebirth.

The visit tied in with the intent of the activities and the group members in sharing their own interpretations of their work, and how they have started their transformational journeys.

The two hours always seems to pass so quickly. We finished off the session with an oracle card from the Spirit Warrior deck. Each person got a card and again the Universe dealt a card that had meaning to that person as well as resonating with the whole group. Random events? I’m sure that the Universe has a message for everyone. You just have to be listening.

Time to go home and prepare for an evening client. Yet another song on the radio helped me to centre myself. Things will be alright!

Well, it’s alright, ridin’ around in the breezeWell, it’s alright, if you live the life you pleaseWell, it’s alright, doin’ the best you canWell, it’s alright, as long as you lend a hand
Travelling Wilburys
And the day ended with a message from the evening client to say how much they appreciated me. Truly a magical day!

 

 

The Mindful Magic of Doodling

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Creative Solutions for Anxiety Relief

 

Are you seeking a simple yet effective way to alleviate stress and anxiety?

Look no further than the humble act of doodling. Beyond its reputation as a pastime for idle moments, doodling offers a gateway to mindfulness and mental well-being.

Doodling, the spontaneous act of drawing aimlessly, has been shown to engage the mind in a state of focused relaxation. As you let your pen wander across the page, your attention becomes absorbed in the present moment, effectively quieting the incessant chatter of anxious thoughts.

 

Here’s how doodling can be a powerful tool for combating anxiety:

 

HexagonMindful Engagement

 Doodling encourages you to concentrate on the here and now, fostering a sense of mindfulness. By immersing yourself in the act of doodling, you redirect your focus away from worries about the past or future, promoting a calmer mental state.

Stress Reduction
Engaging in creative expression through doodling triggers the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. This influx of dopamine can counteract the effects of stress hormones like cortisol, promoting relaxation and a sense of well-being.

Expressive Outlet

Doodling provides a non-verbal means of expression, allowing you to channel your emotions and thoughts in a visual format.

Whether it’s abstract patterns, intricate designs, or simple sketches, doodling enables you to externalize your internal world, offering clarity and catharsis in the process.

Enhanced Focus
Contrary to popular belief, doodling can actually enhance concentration rather than detract from it. Research suggests that doodling can improve information retention and cognitive performance by preventing the mind from wandering too far afield, making it an ideal practice for staying grounded and attentive.
Accessible and Portable
One of the greatest advantages of doodling is its accessibility. All you need is a piece of paper and a pen, making it a convenient tool for managing anxiety anytime, anywhere. Whether you’re at home, in the office, or on the go, doodling can serve as a portable refuge from the demands of daily life.

Incorporating doodling into your routine doesn’t require artistic prowess or elaborate planning. Simply allow yourself to doodle freely, without judgment or expectation. Embrace the spontaneity of the process and let your imagination take flight.

So, the next time you find yourself grappling with anxiety, reach for a pen and let your creativity flow. Through the therapeutic power of doodling, you can cultivate mindfulness, reduce stress, and embark on a journey toward greater mental well-being.

The Healing Power of Creativity

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In the hustle and bustle of our modern lives, it’s very easy to overlook the power of creativity as a potent tool for helping to address mental health issues. Yet, creativity, possesses a transformative ability to soothe the mind, heal emotional wounds, and start the journey towards a more balanced and fulfilling life.

There is a profound connection between creativity and mental wellness. Practices like mindfulness, art therapy, and gratitude are all useful tools in this journey of self-discovery and healing.

 

The Creative Mind: A Sanctuary Amidst the Storm

art therapy and spirituality

Creativity is a core aspect of the human experience. It is the expression of our innermost thoughts, emotions, and experiences in unique and meaningful ways. When faced with mental health challenges such as anxiety, depression, or stress, tapping into our creative potential can provide a sanctuary amidst the storm.

Engaging in creative activities allows us to channel our energy into something constructive, providing a much-needed respite from negative thought patterns and overwhelming emotions.

 

Mindfulness: Cultivating Present-Moment Awareness

 

Central to the practice of creativity as a tool for mental wellness is mindfulness – the practice of cultivating present-moment awareness without judgment. When immersed in the creative process,  either by painting, drawing or writing, we anchor ourselves in the here and now, letting go of worries about the past or future. This mindful engagement with our creative side not only fosters a sense of calm and tranquility but also enhances our ability to cope with stress and uncertainty.

 

Art Therapy: Healing Through Self-Expression

vision boardArt therapy is a form of psychotherapy that utilizes creative techniques to promote emotional healing and self-expression. It is gaining more recognition for its effectiveness in treating various mental health issues. Through guided exercises, individuals are encouraged to explore their thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment. This process often uncovers hidden insights and emotions. Whether it’s painting, drawing, sculpting, or collage-making, the act of creating art can be profoundly cathartic, offering a means of processing complex emotions and experiences that may be difficult to express verbally.

 

Gratitude: Nurturing a Positive Mindset

In addition to creativity and mindfulness, practicing gratitude is another powerful tool for improving mental wellness. Having a mindset of gratitude involves consciously acknowledging and appreciating the big and small things that enrich our lives.

Keeping a gratitude journal, reflecting on moments of joy and beauty, or expressing gratitude to others, this simple yet profound practice has been shown to enhance overall well-being and resilience. By shifting our focus from what we lack to what we have, gratitude enables us to cultivate a more positive outlook on life, even amidst challenges.

 

Embrace Your Creative Journey

In conclusion, the importance of creativity in overcoming mental health issues cannot be overstated. Whether through mindfulness, art therapy, gratitude practices, or other creative pursuits, harnessing our innate creative potential can provide solace, insight, and empowerment on our journey towards mental wellness. So, let us embrace our creativity, nurture our minds and spirits, and unlock the healing power that lies within each of us.

Remember, in the canvas of life, you hold the brush – paint your masterpiece with courage, compassion, and creativity.

The Art of Listening

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The Art of Listening: Cultivating Emotional Intelligence Through Intuition and a Quiet Mind

In the fast-paced world we live in, where information constantly bombards us from all directions, the skill of listening has never been more crucial.

True listening goes beyond simply hearing words; it involves engaging with others on a deeper level, tapping into our intuition, and quietening the mind to foster emotional intelligence.

The Power of Intuition in Listening

Intuition, often regarded as our “gut feeling,” plays a significant role in effective listening. It’s that subtle sense that guides us beyond the surface of words and allows us to connect with the emotions and intentions behind them.

Intuitive listening involves being attuned to non-verbal cues, such as body language and tone of voice, which can convey more than words alone.

To harness the power of intuition, we must be present in the moment. This means putting aside distractions, silencing the inner chatter, and truly focusing on the person speaking.

When we open ourselves to intuition, we gain valuable insights into the speaker’s emotions, making it easier to respond empathetically.

Quietening the Mind for Deeper Connection

In a world filled with constant noise, both external and internal, cultivating the skill of quietening the mind is essential for meaningful conversations.

Our minds are often racing with thoughts about our own experiences, judgments, and responses, which can hinder our ability to listen effectively.

Practicing mindfulness techniques, such as meditation, can help quiet the mind and create a mental space conducive to active listening.

When we approach a conversation with a calm and open mind, we become more receptive to the speaker’s words and emotions.

This not only enhances our understanding but also fosters a deeper connection with the person sharing their thoughts.

Listening with Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence involves recognizing and understanding our emotions and the emotions of others in the moment.

When applied to listening, emotional intelligence allows us to navigate conversations with empathy, compassion, and a genuine desire to connect.

By combining intuition and a quiet mind, we can enhance our emotional intelligence in listening. This means not only hearing the words spoken but also interpreting the emotions underlying them.

When we respond with empathy and understanding, we create a safe space for open communication, fostering stronger relationships and mutual respect.

 

Better Conversations workshopsIn conclusion, the art of listening is a multifaceted skill that requires intuition, a quiet mind, and emotional intelligence.

By embracing these elements, we can build deeper connections with those around us, fostering a culture of understanding and empathy in our fast-paced world.

So, let’s make a conscious effort to not just hear but truly listen, and in doing so, we can contribute to a more compassionate and connected society.

Feel like you want to improve your conversations by becoming a better listener? Workshops and 1:1 coaching sessions are available.

How doodling can help your mental health

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A simple and effective way to help your mental health is by doodling. “What is doodling?”  you may well ask. It’s not just a scribble.  Doodling is drawing simple, spontaneous, and often repetitive lines, patterns, shapes, or designs. While it may seem like a mindless activity, doodling can serve as a powerful tool for relaxation and stress reduction and developing a mindfulness practice.

There are various ways in which doodling can be beneficial for your mental well-being: here are nine ways to justify why your page is full of lines!!

Reducing stress

Engaging in doodling can help redirect your focus and attention away from stressful thoughts and worries. It can be a form of mindfulness, as you immerse yourself in the creative process, allowing your mind to take a break from the pressures of daily life.

Improving concentration and focus

Contrary to the perception that doodling can be distracting, it can actually improve concentration and focus, especially in situations where attention might wander, such as during lectures, meetings, or phone calls. Doodling can help maintain just enough cognitive engagement to prevent daydreaming or zoning out completely. I’ve found over the years that my retention of content in lectures or presentations is better when I have a page of notes complemented by various doodles in the margins.

Improved mood

Doodling can stimulate the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. Engaging in a creative activity like doodling can boost your mood and leave you feeling more positive and content.

Increased self-expression

Doodling provides an outlet for self-expression, allowing you to express your thoughts, emotions, and ideas visually. It can be a non-verbal way to communicate your feelings and experiences.

Relaxation and mindfulness

The repetitive and rhythmic nature of doodling can induce a state of relaxation and calm. It can be likened to a form of meditation, as you focus on the present moment and let go of external concerns.

Coping with anxiety

Doodling can serve as a coping mechanism for anxiety. It provides a safe and constructive way to channel nervous energy and tension, helping to reduce feelings of restlessness and agitation.

Improved memory and learning

Doodling engages both the creative and logical parts of the brain. Studies have shown that doodling while listening to information can enhance retention and understanding, making it easier to recall details later on.

Building confidence

Doodling can be a low-pressure way to explore your artistic abilities and build creative confidence. It’s not about creating perfect art; rather, it’s a free-form and unrestricted form of expression. You may just surprise yourself with your finished product!

Boredom buster

Doodling can be an enjoyable and productive way to pass the time during periods of boredom or waiting. Having a small notebook and pen or pencil handy – especially if you have long waiting periods at the doctors – is a great way to engage your creative mind rather than zoning out on social media.

Remember, doodling should be a fun and spontaneous activity. There are no rules or expectations for what your doodles should look like. Embrace the process, and allow yourself the freedom to create without judgment. Whether you’re an experienced artist or a complete beginner, doodling can be a simple and accessible way to nurture your mental well-being.

Spending Time in Nature

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Listen to the whispers of your soulSpending time in nature can have numerous benefits for refreshing body, mind and soul.

Being in a natural and tranquil environment is conducive to reducing stress and anxiety. There is growing evidence that the sights, sounds, and smells of nature are likely to lower cortisol levels (a stress hormone) and promote a sense of calm and relaxation. This can lead to an improved overall mood and a refreshed state of mind.

When you take a break from the constant stimulation of modern life by being in nature, you allow your mind to unwind and recharge.

Time in nature has been linked to improved cognitive function, enhanced creativity, and increased attention span. It provides space for you to experience a mental reset that helps you think more clearly and problem-solve effectively.

Furthermore, spending time in nature fosters a sense of connection to your surrounds, which can be spiritually uplifting. This also promotes feelings of well-being, contentment, and happiness.

tiny flowerMany people find solace and a sense of purpose when they spend time outdoors, whether it’s hiking in the mountains, strolling in a park, or simply sitting under a shady tree. As an aside, exercise also helps to lower your cortisol levels and manage your stress.

There is always something to observe.  You may find yourself cloud watching or following an insect as it goes about its business. Perhaps even the tiniest flower or an intriguing rock may take your interest. You may even find yourself listening to the various sounds, such as the rustling of leaves in a gentle wind or nature’s orchestra – the birds.

Overall, spending time in nature offers a valuable opportunity to disconnect from the demands of daily life, reconnect with yourself, and refresh your soul, leading to improved mental and emotional well-being.

Soul based coaching

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soul coachingEach person has a unique soul or spiritual essence. Connecting with this essence can lead to greater fulfillment, purpose, and happiness in life. When you explore and develop your spiritual and inner self it creates the opportunity to live a more heart centred life and create a more fulfilling life.

 

Where to start?

There is a famous saying “Every journey starts with a single step”. There are times where we need someone to guide us on that journey or offer a helping hand to take that first step, to give us clarity about our destination.  Below are ten steps that may help you to start out:

Exploration of Inner Self:

Soul-based coaching often begins with introspection and self-discovery. I work with clients to explore your beliefs, values, passions, and inner desires. This exploration can help you to gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

Spiritual Growth:

Spiritual coaching encourages you to develop your spirituality and connect with a higher power or source of meaning. This can involve exploring different spiritual practices, such as meditation, mindfulness or energy healing.

Alignment with Purpose:

A significant focus of this coaching is to help you to support your actions and decisions with your true purpose and values. This can lead to a more meaningful and purposeful life.

coming out of hibernationMind-Body-Spirit Connection:

Soul-based coaching often emphasizes the interconnectedness of the mind, body, and spirit. I may guide you in making healthier lifestyle choices and adopting practices that support your overall well-being.

Transformation:

Through self-awareness and spiritual growth, you may experience personal transformation. This can involve letting go of limiting beliefs and patterns, healing emotional wounds, and embracing positive change.

coachingGoal Setting:

While soul-based coaching is focused on inner growth, it also helps you to set and achieve meaningful goals that are aligned with your values and purpose.

Support and Accountability:

Having someone to provide a supportive and non-judgmental space for you to express your thoughts and feelings makes the process easier. When you are accountable for taking action toward your goals and personal growth, you are more likely to turn your dreams into winning goals.

A Holistic Approach:

Soul-based coaching takes a holistic approach to well-being, addressing the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual aspects of a person’s life. Having an experienced guide to navigate this journey makes all the difference.

Tools and Techniques:

The program may use a variety of tools and techniques, such as visualization, journaling, art therapy, guided meditation, and energy healing, to facilitate the transformation process.

AwarenessEthical Considerations:

These are important in soul-based and spiritual coaching to ensure that your beliefs and values are upheld while maintaining professional boundaries.

It’s important to note that soul-based and spiritual coaching results can vary widely depending on your background, approach, and beliefs.

Watching Clouds disappear

A Balanced Life,

Watching clouds disappear over the weekend was a calming and beautiful experience. One moment a cloud was there, changing shape from what almost looked like a question mark to faint wisps which quickly disappeared.

If you are a seasoned cloud watcher you would already be aware that they are constantly changing shape and moving through the sky due to the dynamics of the atmosphere

The “question mark” cloud led to thoughts on how clouds either change shape or disappear.

Evaporation: Clouds are formed when water vapour in the atmosphere condenses into tiny water droplets or ice crystals around dust particles. As the air temperature and humidity change, these droplets or crystals may start to evaporate back into water vapour.

Changing Shape: Clouds can change shape rapidly. One moment you might see dragons in the sky that change into soft pillows of serenity. The next moment could see the cloud slowly thinning out or breaking apart into smaller wisps as the water droplets or ice crystals within it evaporate.

Movement: Clouds are not stationary; they are carried by the wind. So, as you watch a cloud disappear, it may also be drifting across the sky. This is also a very useful metaphor for thoughts that intrude during meditation sessions. Just allow those thoughts to drift away to the horizon…

Colours: The colours of the cloud as it disappears can be quite fascinating. During sunrise or sunset, clouds may take on vibrant hues as the sunlight scatters and refracts through them. I’m always on the lookout for a spectacular sunset and never tire of seeing them.

Overall, I have found that watching clouds disappear or change shape can be a meditative and reflective activity. It allows me to appreciate the ever-changing nature of the sky and the environment.  It also provides a sense of tranquility and connection to nature.

So, find a comfortable spot, look up at the sky, and enjoy the beauty of clouds as they transform and disappear before your eyes.