January saw the Tasmanian Adventure (which I only just posted) and this month a different kind of adventure….
an unfolding of events, so as to speak.
Back from Tasmania just as the school year started and not back at school which was a good and comfortable feeling.
Overall the last place was good, but time to follow my passion.
Like the advert for the Northern Territory says, ” You’ll never never know, if you never never go….”
So off to be a full time Hypnotherapist and consultant.
Day 1 and into the office with clients. Felt great.
I did have to deal with the mirror that had fallen off the wall in my absence, but all OK as it wasn’t broken. Last time it fell down, it nearly came down on a friend’s head – time for it to retire.
The first week back was busy, picking up on juggling time in at the office and taking my aged father to medical appointments and tests. That’s what baby boomers do…..In the evenings I listened and took frantic notes from the webinars I had signed up for, blogged and planned a marketing campaign and fitted in a quick trip to Queenscliffe to pick up my new lenses.
Chinese New Year arrived & I briefly contemplated holding a celebration, but too much… jet lagged. That’s how I felt, curious because the flight from Tassie only takes an hour. Frustrated because I wasn’t seeing so well and couldn’t read the paper. Made some time for meditation and spent the Sunday on the couch dozing on and off after having been unwell overnight.
Post trip tiredness….. need a holiday after the holiday, I thought!
The new week began with a whirl of activities, more Doctor appointments for Dad, clients (Yay!), networking (20 minute talk for the next week) and usual family stuff (cooking, shopping, diabetic dog and mad cat). Thank goodness we had the cleaners still coming on Thursday!
I attended to my marketing campaign, printing the letters and envelopes at home, then a quick trip to T2 to get some nice teabags to staple to the letters for an added impact and down to the office to get the postcards to insert into the envelopes.
All of a sudden the day went a bit awry. Pear shaped….
No, not swooning over a handsome man.
I was driving & alone.
Mental note – “go away, I’m not stressed, all is good”.
Putting in the alarm code and things went a bit black. Sat down in my room and decided to give the Hypno Lounge chair a bit of a try out. Sip of water, deep breath and start to go into trance to calm down and slow the heart rate.
Listen to some trance music to help with process and noted the palpitations had now gone on for about 10 minutes.
This was not fun.
Calm…. think calm.
Not anything to worry about……
Check the symptoms.
- pressure in the chest Well of course there was pressure, I’d just had a racing heart for 10 minutes!
- breathlessness ditto
- sore shoulders
- pain in the jaw “are you sure you’re not imagining these?……..just relax for a little longer…..”
- cold and clammy “oops, maybe something really is not quite right.”
All the time thinking that I might be imagining the symptoms, because after all, they are on the fridge at home because I worry about other family members.
Time to listen to another motivational podcast or was it one of the Hypnocaster ones… I really don’t remember.
I do remember thinking about my friend who was going to have her spleen removed and wondering if this was the time she was being operated on and another couple of friends that have had heart problems.
Obviously the trance music and relaxation was working, because I was feeling really kind of spacey.
After an hour and a bit and still a bit shaky, I felt it was time to get moving.
I finished doing the envelopes and realized that I didn’t have enough stamps, so headed off to the Post Office on the way home.
By now, I was really in a ditzy frame of mind and the woman behind the counter asked if I was OK and suggested that I call my doctor when I said I felt a little weird.
Not one to usually take other peoples suggestions quite so readily, I did call the surgery when I got back in the car. Damm! Regular doctor had gone home and no appointments left.
Then I admitted it…..”I’ve got chest pain…” –
“Come straight up”.
Straight down to the nurses room and sat there like a stunned mullet for a little while.
“Is your Dad here?”
“are you OK?”
Hooked up to the ECG, glass of water with aspirin and the ambulance on the way.
Difficult call to make to home…… difficult to see the buttons on the phone & dial……
“Um, can you come up to the doctor’s to pick up the car, because I’m going to hospital in the ambulance…” This sounds insane……I’m totally disassociated with the events unfolding….. an interested observer…..
Then the family is there, the ambulance is there, and I’ve got a canula in my hand, a patch on my chest, leads everywhere and a machine that goes “ping” every so often.
We were about to head off to one place, then there was a little blip and we headed off in the other direction to the local major hospital. Peak hour traffic, but I don’t care as I’ve been given something for the pressure on the chest. It feels like I’ve fallen off the motorbike, but without the bruises everywhere else….. just winded big time.
The morphine has kicked in and I’m really quite chatty with the ambulance officers (lovely ladies) and the nurses in Emergency. Then they take blood and hook me up to more machines. We have to wait for the blood results to come back before I can go home.
Eventually, a surprised look on his face, the doctor comes in and says
“You’ve had a heart attack…..”
– the blood pressure shoots up immediately and I realize that I’m not surprised.
My husband’s face registers shock…..
They decide to admit me to the CCU but the pain has to go first. I fib a little and say it’s gone because it’s really late and want to get some sleep. We say our goodbyes and I head up to the ward and he goes home.
Next blood test is good. Levels have dropped, but still pressure and nausea & I end up vomiting. This is not good.
The next day an angiogram is scheduled and nearly doesn’t happen because it is so late in the day by the time I get down to the lab. That would have meant staying in for the weekend and getting done on Monday. After a long wait down near the Cath Lab, it’s all systems go.
Results are good. No disease. No clots. Just an electrical malfunction that may or may not happen again.
My best friend Peter comes in to visit. The cardiologist thinks he is my husband and we joke about having breakfast together.
Eyes pop on the other side of the ward!!
I even leave with him – it was OK to go home and so I did.
Just over a week has gone by since coming home and I have been touched by the support of those friends who have been in contact. Some of my newer friends have said some lovely things and offered support that I never expected.
So for those wonderful people who have helped or offered to, I am learning to say “yes” to your offers and to say “no” to doing other things that no longer serve me well.I might leave the reactions or lack thereof of, of various people to a different essay, when I don’t feel so fragile.
Please be patient with me, I am learning a new way of feeling, seeing, listening, thinking and doing.
I’m learning to move on from old relationships and fairweather friendships, even though there is sadness in that. I’m celebrating feeling.
Here’s a link to an oldie but good one…..
A little help from my friends
for those I love.