As Tony Robbins put so succinctly in his book Awaken the Giant Within,
“Values guide our every decision and, therefore, our destiny. Those who know their values and live by them become the leaders of our society.”
It is helpful to go over and review what our values are from time to time to see if we are heading in the right direction. Occasionally we can discover that we are in conflict with our values and then dig around a little to discover the emotions around the conflict.
One of my values is honesty. There have been times in my life where there has been conflict around this, particularly when I’m self sabotaging my success and I’m not overly proud of repeating the patterns.
Lately the values of honesty, trust and integrity have been coming up for me. Are they one and the same?
I’ll give you a couple of examples:
Firstly, I recently bought a floodlight for the shed up at the retreat. Not overly expensive but with a compact fluorescent globe in it to save on power. I took it up to the retreat and discovered on opening the box that the globe had broken – there had been a small impact to the side of the box which caused the damage. The consensus amongst the gathered people was to take it back to the supplier on return to the city.
“No big deal “,you might say.
I didn’t sleep that night. I woke at one stage and realized that I had opened the box in the store and checked the globe against a shelf of other globes for size and pricing. The globe had been broken in transit…….I felt sick…..
When I mentioned this at breakfast, the group opinion was to take it back anyway and get a new one. Perhaps sensible as the cost of a new globe is more than the assembled floodlight.
I reflected on the night’s lack of sleep and what values and energy I intend to bring to the retreat and decided that I would buy a new globe regardless, and did so on my trip to the local hardware store later that day.
Secondly, a little while ago a woman called for an appointment.
I booked her in and when she arrived, she commented that it was a little further than she expected to drive. I asked her why and she said that when she looked at the website, the address was closer to home.
I had been working on a commission basis at a colleague’s practice and she had found me on that website, not my own. Oops!
I explained the difference and the session proceeded.
As she left she said, “Well you don’t have to tell xxxxx that I came here”…… But with my values, how could I not? (& yes I did tell)
How do others perceive honesty?
Over the past few weeks I have observed that there are many shades of honesty and dishonesty. Layers of trust and distrust all wrapped up in the cloak of integrity…….
Is it dishonest to keep a $50 note found in a carpark?
How would you know the owner? I remember finding a note when I was a child and my mother taking me to the police station to hand it in. I returned months later and was given the note. Just last year I found a $50 note in a large, city carpark. Most of the other cars had departed and I pocketed the note, using it to pay the carparking and donated the balance to a good will tin at my local bakery.
What if the checkout person didn’t scan an item correctly so that it didn’t record?
Would you go back to pay for that item? Or think that the supermarket makes enough profit anyway or see it as a bonus for your loyalty in shopping there?
What if you went to a therapist and couldn’t use your credit card there? (maybe the internet was down or they didn’t have facilities for credit)
Would you try to pay as promptly as possible through a bank deposit or ignore the invoice? Perhaps you might make excuses that the therapy didn’t work. How would you know it hadn’t worked? Wouldn’t you still be paying for the time that person spent with you? Is the failure to pay, as much breaking the trust the therapist has in you as a lack of trust within yourself?
So does it boil down to honesty or is it integrity?
Susan M Heathfield says “Honesty and trust are central to integrity.”
I see it as a triangle – each side supporting the other and crucial to the strength within. When one is absent the structure no longer exists……