Are you doing what you want?

balance, Choice, Education, Goal Setting, Hypnotherapy, Reiki


Life is too short to fit in all the things I would like to do – either I’m going to have to be an active senior or come back again for another lifetime!
Right now, I am doing what I love.
Some writing, some creating, seeing clients for Reiki and Hypnotherapy……& loving it!
Easily distracted by the next, new, bright shiny thing- just like a magpie – has led me on some fascinating journeys.
There is always something interesting to do and have explored many paths, all of which have taken me to exactly where I needed to be at the time and put me in touch with those I needed to meet….

A change in careers is not a problem – I have done it several times and will hopefully keep learning about new things for  many more years to come. Nothing like keeping the brain cells active!
There have been times when there hasn’t always been all the money I would have liked to have, but somehow the universe has always provided.
I see people who are profoundly unhappy doing what they think they should in order to please others. See their souls being gradually become drab and listless
….are you doing what you want?
If not – why not?

Journeying….

calm, clarity, Emotional baggage, energy fields, Fathers Day, grief

I came across this prayer last week as I was preparing to take Dad’s ashes back to Perth to be laid to rest with Mum.

May the feet of God walk with you
and her hand hold you tight
May the eye of God rest on you
and his ear hear your cry
May the smile of God be for you
and her breath give you life
May the child of God grow in you
and his love bring you home.

Yesterday was the day.
I had planned a different day, but as Dad was cremated here in Victoria, I had to attend an interview to register his ashes in WA.
As it turned out the first available day was 6th February, which was the 2 month anniversary of his death.
An early morning flight there, combined with an afternoon return seemed the best option.
I like to use oracle cards and that afternoon I picked one that said “Be proud that you were brave enough to come to this challenging place we call Earth to learn”. 
I certainly wasn’t feeling brave and commented on my Facebook page and got a supportive message from a couple of people I have only met briefly.

Booking the flight was not without its problems.
The return trip calendar defaulted to March 6th; because February and March dates and days are the same, I didn’t notice until I printed out my ticket confirmation.
Oh No! I didn’t want to be stuck in Perth for a month…….  it’s a nice place, I could do with a holiday….but……NO.
A call to the airline and they sorted things out.
The crematorium staff had told me that I needed to advise the airline that I was carrying human remains, so I told the guy fixing up my ticket.
No charge for the wrong booking, which was really appreciated. He told me I would have to tell them at the gate before boarding, which I did and when I went to board – found that I had been put closer up the front!

Arriving in Perth, I picked up a car – which was cheaper than catching cabs – and made my way to Karrakatta.
Roadworks almost all the way…..slow trip….. but still got there in plenty of time for the appointment.

Memories of growing up in Perth as I drove down familiar roads, even though there has been a huge building boom there over the years, flooded back.
Street names off the Great Eastern Highway that I knew off by heart as I used to be a delivery driver. Riverside Drive and the cockies grazing on the grassed area.
Had to be a little vigilant to get onto Stirling Highway and past the old Swan Brewery. Keeping a lookout for a little jetty and boathouse where I lived on a small yacht which was moored off it at one stage….. 
…….I even took a little detour past his old house in Shenton Park as a symbolic gesture.

The bag with the ashes in it was surprisingly heavy.
Carrying it in, I wondered if there was a cafe there to sit and while away the time rather than trying to find where Mum was located.
On reflection, I carried Mum in here too. I was a pallbearer for her  and walked alongside her casket to the service. I wonder about the symbolism of carrying your parents after they have carried you……

Yes!….. a cafe at the gates!

I went in, ordered a cup of tea and just as the woman handed it over, a song came over the radio. She probably wondered why I laughed out loud and went to sit outside!

The Seekers singing – Now the Carnival is over……

Now the harbour light is calling
this will be our last goodbye.
Though the carnival is over
I will love you till I die. 
In about half an hour, I was going to be handing Dad over so he could be put next to Mum – I love that the spirit world plays jokes with us when we get too serious!
As I drank my cup of tea, a huge orange and black butterfly landed on the wall next to me…
The time came for the appointment – now was the time to let go and not lose it…..
A little wait and then we were organizing the registration, the plaque and the payment….
The plaque will be ready in about 6 weeks and will have to come from Victoria! More amusement!
……Just in time for him to go into the niche next to Mum for what would have been their 58th Wedding Anniversary.  How perfect would that be?

Handing him over into the safe keeping of the Cemetery, I got a map and went down to see Mum’s spot.  
Last time I was there, was about 6 years ago when I went over to help Dad sell his unit to come to Melbourne. Looking rather neglected, I used a tissue …of which I had plenty…. and borrowed a flower from a nearby tree to spruce her up a bit ……
Then it was time to go…. Headed off to Kings Park and treated myself to a salad while I waited for my brother. I had some documents copied for him and he was able to get away from work for  a little while. 
With the roadworks in mind, I headed back to the airport with plenty of time to spare, refuelled the car and started the journey home.  
I had a whim to take a photo of the sun setting on the clouds behind us…. 
I believe in orbs…. I don’t care if others don“t….. because I was sitting up closer to the angels last night and it felt OK.  
 

Friendship spaces

balance, calm, energy fields, Heart Chakra

Connection is what matters to us.
It’s one of our core needs.
Focus on Michaelangelo’s famous painting and its the space between the fingers, the expectation of contact or is it release, that is the motif of the painting.

Touch.


The soft, unconditional touch as you caress a newborn child.
Holding a hand with compassion for someone who is ill.
The light touch of a Reiki treatment, and for the practioner sensing the unseen, immeasurable energy.
The sense of anticipation as you reach out for a loved one.
Even the spark of static electricity that some people have (I frequently spark!) as you reach out to touch something….

It was  Friedrich Neietzsche who said “Invisible threads are the strongest ties.”

The space between the hands in the photos is like the space between the notes in a piece of music. Invisible, yet strong.
Creating different harmonies as the energy is discharged.

How many ways can you be touched?
It’s not just physical touch.
A piece of music can touch our deepest emotions with its beauty, as too paintings and places in nature.
Friends touch us with their thoughtfulness when we are in need.
We can find friends in unusual places.
They can be around for years or just a little while.
Moving countries or interstate or even into a new neighbourhood, gives us the opportunity to make new friends.
Although I have been resident in Australia for many years, I am privileged to be part of a project to create a warm and inviting Friendship Space for migrant and refugee women in Melbourne.
The friendships that have already formed around this project sustain so many of us in different ways and we are building bridges between those who are familiar with the Australian way of life and the newer arrivals.


Moving on….

Emotional baggage, grief, Hypnotherapy

As the water flows down the waterfall, so too do emotions flow relentlessly when a parent dies and more so, when it is the last remaining parent and you become an orphan.

Many people are familiar with Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross’ Five Stages of Grief but  there are other variables in the process.
Many people would also be familiar with the quotation “No man is an island”, which was a sermon by John Donne in the 16th century.
“No one is self-sufficient; everyone relies on others.”

But what happens if you have a long term partner or spouse? 

Can you rely on the in-laws to emotionally support you as you go through your grieving process?

What about friends? 

Who would you rely on? 

It would be nice to move through the stages Kuebler-Ross outlined with no extraneous factors. 
So what if you are feeling bereft of support? 
Seeing a Grief Counsellor may help to work through underlying issues that were already in the family dynamic.

  

Meditation

Education, Life balance, Meditation, Philosophy, ,

wb051432Daily practice is what gets the results.

Most of the time we have good intentions and start a practice, but all too frequently I hear clients saying that  “Something came up” and they couldn’t continue.

It is precisely at those times that a good meditation practice is the most helpful. Through a regular practice of meditation, and it really doesn’t matter what style, it becomes easier to clear the mind at times of stress, access creativity and perceive the world in quite a different way.

3 simple steps to setting up your meditation practice will help you to start your practice.

What can we give them?

balance, dreaming, Meditation

What can we give them – who are old and failing
And sometimes weary of the passing years?
Only our tears and sorrow, unavailing.
With memories of past hopes and present fears.

While these our sons go gaily into the battle
We, who so love them, sit and wait in dread-
Of shreiking shell and the machine guns rattle,
All tense with hope – or fear that they be dead.

Our souls, sore wounded, when our loved one dies
Take comfort from the splendour of the skies.

For there, clear eyed, they look serenely down,
From their high vantage ground beyond the stars.
And having borne the Cross may wear the Crown,
And heal them of their travail and their scars.

They’ll tread again the pleasant paths of Heaven,
For Sacrifice is but its widest gate,
And Mercy is the soul of what was given,
Their gallant souls, whose love will vanquish hate.

Bright gifts we bring to England of our pain,
Oh England – England – take them not in vain.

Charles Corner

* Charles Corner was my maternal Great Grandfather and this poem was written for an anthology put together by my Grandmother, Eleanor Harper (nee Corner) and my father as a memorial to Uncle Teddy (Edward) who was a Lancaster bomber pilot who died in WW2.

The wanderer returns home

Choice, dreaming, friendship, Past Life Regression, Reiki, Spirituality

This is my Dad.
We had our differences when I was growing up and they were pretty full on at times. I left home at 19, but returned annually to catch up with Mum for many years and there was much left unspoken.
Mum died in 1999 and from that year on, Dad travelled over to spend Christmas with my family as my brother went to New Zealand to celebrate the holiday season with his wife’s family.
A bout of bowel cancer slowed him down a little …. and his increasing age, so he decided to sell up his unit in Perth and move to a retirement complex in the outer Melbourne suburbs to be closer to my family.
A difficult decision at 85.
Still a little wary of him, I visited weekly, taking him shopping on a Sunday and we slipped into a routine.
If he needed to go to the doctor, I took him.
The kids liked playing Ludo with him and we shared meals for significant occasions.
Heart attacks, one for him, one for me….
…we muddled along and along the way we became friends… finding that we had similar interests in religion, meditation, reincarnation…..
The kids promised to visit ….and did on occasions, stepping up nobly when we were travelling and taking him out for a special birthday lunch one year.
He turned 90… then 91… it seemed like he was going on forever… then earlier this year, his older brother died, then his sister’s husband. Suddenly he began to talk of the completing this life cycle….he became a little breathless… he fervently completed jumbo crosswords to prove that he wasn’t going senile.. and the chest pains began.
At first I thought it to be a result of greiving for the men he used to know, but the emergency department x-rays showed up what was thought to be pneumonia.
Stubbornly, he insisted he would be alright at home and I assured the doctor I would follow up with the GP.
The tests showed that he had lung cancer.
That was a Thursday. Ever independent, he caught the retirement village bus that afternoon to go and get a haircut and do his shopping.
My brother visited on the Monday, taking some time out from a conference that he was attending, to spend an hour or so with him.
On Tuesday, the pain intensified and an ambulance was called. He spent the afternoon in Emergency and was sent home that evening as he said he didn’t want any intervention.
By the Friday evening of that same week he had been admitted to a hospice for pain management as he was finding it difficult to move from the bed to the bathroom. Still independent, he fell from his bed as he tried to get to the bathroom…
A few days of care and the pain intensified… he hovered between here and the nether worlds….aware of what was happening and telling me about the experience…and on the sixth morning he slipped over to the other side and died peacefully in his sleep……

Stretched like a rubber band

Philosophy, Reiki


Amazing how a rubber band will return to its shape time and time again.   

A rubber band comes in all colours and sizes, thick or thin, large or small…. 
Stretch it out, use it to bundle together letters, wind it the top of an open bag to seal it, use it to tie up hair, flicked from the end of fingers or rulers by children of all ages – so many uses for such a simple strip of rubber. 
  
Such resilience….but eventually they do snap or break. 
I do wonder if they are still made of rubber……
Sometimes there are a series of events in one’s life where the emotions go all “rubbery”. Some could say “pear shaped” but I prefer the simile of the rubber band because it implies that you can stretch yourself towards achieving something worthwhile.
The last few weeks have been a series of challenges and the emotions have been stretched right out, then back to everyday tasks and then quickly stretched again. As my work revolves around stress management, I wonder if I can claim the hours put into these challenges as work experience or continuing education points! I am using the tools that I give to my clients for myself and am finding that most of the time I can remain centred.

Stretches # 1, 2, 3, 6 & 7 revolve around my aging father. 91 (and a half), his health has started to deteriorate. 
Noticeably so after his brother in law in the UK passed away just a few weeks prior. 
I thought it was grief; unresolved grief residual from Mum’s death. He began to get chest pains and had to be taken to hospital twice by ambulance. 

The first visit didn’t resolve anything and the medico’s decided to try him on medication for the heart, which would increase the dizziness he was experiencing.  The second trip, this time to a different hospital would reveal that he had pneumonia, according to the xrays taken.
Fiercely independent, he wanted to be discharged and I promised the emergency doctor that he would be followed up by the GP.  
More tests – blood and sputum showed no indication of infection, so he went for a CT scan. By this stage, we were having daily visits to various medical establishments and I was using the time productively to catch up on some professional reading, which I probably would have continued to put aside if I was in the office.
Late to the next GP visit – it actually cut the waiting time down to 15 minutes instead of 50, the doctor was unusually serious. The CT scan had revealed what is most likely to be lung cancer and thought to be secondaries from his previous bowel cancer. After hearing the diagnosis, he discussed how he wanted his funeral to go and his last wishes. The following days, he lost his appetite even more and took to his bed on the weekend, whilst still stubbornly insisting that he will be able to look after himself without help.
Stretch #4 was unrelated to my Dad.

A beautiful weekend. A warm Spring day and visitors were over for a BBQ and dip in the pool.  My husband likes to potter around the house and garden and although the solar heater had been taking the chill of the water, he thought he might light the big gas heater and give it a little help…. The pilot light was out and he had several goes until the gas lit. As it lit, he singed his hair, eyebrows and burnt his arms.  He’s stubborn too… standing with his arms in the laundry sink full of water and smelling of burnt hair, didn’t want to go to the doctor. Even with wet towels wrapped around his arms, still saying he didn’t want to go….. I reckon I’m just as stubborn and I put the bucket in the car, drove him to the nearest emergency department where he was treated by a bemused doctor. The second hospital emergency department in one week for me to visit. Arms finally bandaged, he looked a bit like a mummy in progress, although by Monday he had taken the bandages off because they were irritating him.

Stretch #5 has been a long stretch. Not as long as it could have been though. Our son’s ex-girlfriend texted him a photo of her ultrasound at 21 weeks.  At least we only had 20 something weeks to wait. She went into labour on the Monday morning and I picked my son up from work and drove him down to the hospital. He stayed, the phone went flat just as she had started to push, so no more news. 
Update: A girl – 4040gms. (8lb 14oz) and the baby & mother visited Dad on Friday before his transfer to the hospice.
 
Stretch # 6 was the visit of the prodigal son. My brother often comes to Melbourne, rarely visits my Dad since he relocated from Perth 6 years ago. Dad’s anxiety rose as the time got +nearer and he asked me to be there as well. My brother arrived, with his daughter.  Although she has been studying in Melbourne for the last 2 years, she had not yet been to visit.
Stretch #7 was the rapid decline of my father. Another hospital visit and another return home, this time with strong pain medication to help him. I spent the following day sitting in his unit checking up on him from time to time. Some great conversations with him regarding his transition. He had been seeing colours, ranging from red, white and blue (“very patriotic” he said) to purples and reds and some warm yellows and orange.
He was feeling the presence of my mother and felt like others were popping their heads around the door to call him. We talked of his readiness to go and how every so often he thought he was going, only to be called back at the last minute. He felt he had something to tell me, that was on the tip of his tongue, only to be forgotten at the last minute. His mind remained sharp only to cloud over, in spite of the analgesia, whenever he moved. Eating little, but drinking enough to moisten his mouth every so often, he became quite gaunt. As the day progressed, he dozed on and off, sending me to check his mailbox for news as to whether he had won the Reader’s Digest sweepstakes. He was worrying about how to share it best amongst the 2 families!
Stretch # 8 is yet to occur…………He was transferred to a Hospice last night and is made comfortable, so we are in the middle of this stretch……


At the Crossroads

Education, Life balance, Philosophy, ,

Are you standing at the mid-life crossroads and wondering about going back to study?

If you know what you want to study, then that’s a start, but if you have been busy with bringing up the family or working to put food on the table, then the choices out there can be overwhelming.

There are a few questions to ask yourself:

  • For what purpose am I doing the study?
  • What will it get me?
  • Is it for pleasure?
  • To extend my mind?
  • To recreate my job into a vocation?
  • What level course do I need/want to do?
  • Can I trust the organization that is providing the course to deliver?

As with most big decisions, research is the key.

Firstly, be clear about your purpose in returning to study.

Next, ask another question.  “What will it give me in the long-term?”

Sometimes a non accredited, industry specific course, recognized by a peak body is worth more than a course from an RTO and will save your wallet thousands of dollars in the long-term.

Not all providers are equal.

It’s pretty much a case of Caveat Emptor – Latin for “Let the buyer beware”.

It is easy to be seduced by the glittering promises of a course that will enable you to earn a dazzling income – only to find out that you continue to spend your hard-earned dollars on upsizing courses as you reach out to grab yet another carrot dangled in front of you.

Research or shopping around can also save you months of study time.

The jobs market is full of job seekers who find that they are “over qualified” for the positions they have applied for. When you are starting out, an introductory course or weekend taster, if it is available is a good way to get a feel for the course content or provider.

Some TAFE courses lead to credit transfer points to Certificates, in turn leading to credits for higher qualifications, which can be handy. Sometimes all you need is a Certificate grade course to get entry into a field that you find fulfilling.

A case in point is a client, whom I shall call Beatrice.

Beatrice enjoys studying and the challenges sometimes presented. She qualified as a teacher after leaving school and in between teaching and raising a family of 3 boys, she managed to complete her Masters Degree in Education and gain more post-graduate qualifications in librarianship as well as a second Masters Degree in Management.
Her marriage fell apart when she was in her mid 50’s and she needed to return to work full-time to support herself. Interview after interview ….”Too qualified”.

After some Crossroads Coaching , she discovered that what she really wanted to do was to something new and exciting, so she signed up for a Certificate IV in Hospitality with plans to run her own boutique tea house.

The course gave her the skills to move into a different, practical area, quite removed from her teaching experience although her existing time management and people skills are valuable assets.

The coaching gave her the clarity to find out what it was she really wanted to do and the courage to move on.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life

Confucius