Category Archives: friendship

Simplicity

It’s always good to be reminded of the KISS (keep it simple sweetheart) principle.

Too often, when presented with a problem, we default to overthinking, resulting in a mindstorm of “what ifs” and making mountains out of molehills.

So how to simplify?

It may be that you need not only to de-clutter your mind, but your surroundings as well.  What are you holding onto metaphorically that is no longer needed?

I recently had a bit of a tidy up and discovered a box under the house that had been unopened since moving in some 15 years ago. It contained four years of university notes and other items that I obviously thought important enough to save all those years ago. Apart from a couple of things, like the outline for the thesis I never started, the mountain of paper grew and filled the recycle bin. Other things that I retained were some letters from family and friends.

Meeting up with friends on Australia Day reminded me that true friendship is a simple, enduring affection that can be picked up and resumed without needing to explain anything. Life can be challenging and unpredictable at times and unconditional acceptance by friends helps to overcome adversity.

Simplicity offers us freedom…. It’s about not being concerned or attached to what others think about us and having the wisdom to live our lives in a way that lets us follow our hearts and dreams, yet being mindful as we go along our way.

It takes courage to simplify.

By divesting yourself of the things and thoughts that keep you imprisoned, you can open the door to a more creative and simple life.

Health

HealthAt a networking meeting that I co-host, I had a conversation with a couple of Reiki Masters….

I haven’t had a Reiki for myself for some time and have kept myself busy in various ways…. working on my business, the retreat…family…..day to day stuff…..

The question was asked…”what are you doing for YOU?” as I coughed, feeling it deep within my chest…. “what are you telling YOUR clients and not doing for yourself?”…..

I knew then, that there was no hiding…. no excuses! I couldn’t blame the alignment of the planets, other people…

Time to ‘fess up, so as to speak. Isn’t that what the metaphysics is all about? Oh Dear!! I felt all teary!     Cough…Throat Chakra? One of the Reiki Masters chuckled… that’s her speciality… pushing buttons…..

Yes… I needed that…. someone to ‘call me’ on my authenticity!

isn’t it amusing how the Universe works? It sends you clients who tell you “stuff” that you need to work on for yourself.

There are two options..

  1. Be like the metaphorical ostrich and stick your head in the sand and ignore what is going on – pretend nothing is wrong and carry on….
  2. Do something about it…. take the oxygen mask that has dropped down and look after yourself first before looking after others…

I shared a little of what I was feeling at the meeting, still holding back on other issues that I thought I would work some more on changing my mindset.

A colleague popped her head into my office between clients and offered an opinion – and  another friend phoned during a free moment…

I was feeling exhausted and hoping for the Universe to offer a solution….. which of course it did later this evening

… so with a few minutes left of a busy day, I have resolved to take up the offer of a Reiki and deal with some personal issues – so that I can be more present for the clients that have chosen to book in with me…..

 

 

Change

“Bamboo is flexible, bending with the wind but never breaking, capable of adapting to any circumstance. It suggests resilience, meaning that we have the ability to bounce back even from the most difficult times. . . Your ability to thrive depends, in the end, on your attitude to your life circumstances. Take everything in stride with grace, putting forth energy when it is needed, yet always staying calm inwardly.”  Ping Fu

Another word for change is transformation. There needs to be a certain amount of flexibility when making a change because if you hold on to something too rigidly, either it or you may break.

Sometimes change is forced upon us…..loss of a family member, redundancy or ill health and you need to call upon your reserves of resilience, be tenacious and hold on without being stubborn or inflexible.

There is room at these times for both sadness and laughter.  Allowing yourself to be in the moment and recognising ……and naming…..what emotion you are feeling, certainly helps. When the challenges occur, they are often pathways or stepping stones not only for your own healing but for those of others.

labryinth in green and blueRecently as my father in law was making his transition, I took some time out to do the shopping. About to return home, a friend in a similar circumstance called. Still in the car park, we had a long conversation about death, dying, unsaid conversations with loved ones and supporting those who are left behind. It was a hot summer evening and I had the window down. So totally involved in the conversation, I hadn’t noticed until it finished that there was another car next to me also with the window down. As I started the engine and glanced over, I observed the woman in it sobbing, tears running down her face.  I realized that she had listened to the whole, emotionally raw conversation and that it had touched hlabyrinth painting in red and orangeer as well.

In the days following there was the funeral – tears, sadness and yes, laughter. This was a who lived his life fully. Friends rallied around the family and there was laughter at shared memories. Grief is expressed in many ways and being non judgmental, opens a space within you for growth and change. Times like this give you a different perspective.  The same event is perceived quite differently by each participant. With this in mind there is the  opportunity to slow down, meditate and learn to trust yourself and thus transform.

Like walking the labyrinth, you enter into it and find yourself firstly traveling in one direction and then another. Tantalizingly, you approach what might be that peaceful space in the centre, then move away again. Mindful of the steps that you take, there is a slowing down as the centre is reached and you can rest awhile.

Here is the space and time to have the courage to face your inner conflicts, the grief, the burdens and set them down or offer them up gently and peacefully to the universe/angels or whatever deity you believe in.  Spend as much time here in the centre as you need and then begin to walk the pathway out. You can’t get lost, there is only the one path and you might begin to notice that your step is a little lighter. Allow yourself to feel any emotions, again take note and name them – are they the same as before? Is what is coming up for you negative or positive? What are the triggers? Are you able to clearly communicate your thoughts and feelings to someone who will listen? Be in the moment and breathe……

 

Trust


Trust is like an egg and it’s not like an egg.

If you want to break an egg you have to do it from the outside. 
The only way to break up a trust is from the inside.
O. Henry

Agaricus Muscaris – Beautiful but deadly…..the toxins in this toadstool act on the brain, producing vertigo and delirium …. with the symptoms developing after a period of 12 – 14 hours. There is no antidote and the end result is total paralysis.
Homeopathically, it can be used for neuralgia, vertigo and some skin conditions. In the homeopathic preparation, it is not toxic when used appropriately. The poison resembles that of the rattlesnake and acts on the red blood corpuscles……..Trust as I’d trust a rattlesnake —Anon
There is a restlessness from violent itching and on falling asleep will start and twitch, waking often. ……

Walking away from a conversation several months back, I had the feeling that I shouldn’t have shared a personal comment. I don’t sleep well at the best of times and often the subconscious mind will take a while to process.  Head … awhirl with doubts like a sky full of starlings — George Garrett …..and I will often find myself awake in the early hours of the morning, sitting bolt upright with an idea or a revelation. 
I had a niggling feeling that the conversation would be repeated, but decided to give the person the benefit of doubt. 
In coaching, there is an exercise that is useful in deciding if a relationship is open and honest. So I asked myself the following questions:

  • How comfortable am I with this person now?
  • Am I able to express myself freely with this person in the future?
  • Will I avoid talking about certain subjects or situations with this person
  • Am I lying to this person, by hiding the truth?
  • Does this person ever avoid talking about similar things with me?

No more to be trusted (with news) than a cat with a saucer of milk —Christopher Isherwood …..another social situation and a different person in the social group makes an interesting, but off-topic comment……didn’t think much of it at the time……. but a week or so later, the penny dropped. The trust that I placed in my “friend” was misplaced….. A secret in his [the gossip’s] mouth is like a wild bird put into a cage; whose door no sooner opens, but it is out —Ben Jonson
So, with this person I will become like the echidna who curls up into a ball, so that the soft underbelly is protected by spikes, until the threat is past. I will carefully choose my words in her company. I no longer feel comfortable in her company, as I will be avoiding divulging anything personal or emotional. I will form my conversation around questions about her, not to share the elicited answers but to engage her in conversation about herself and fill the time.

 Friendship is like a butterfly’s wing, once it’s torn it may never fly again 
– Anon

 

  

The wanderer returns home

This is my Dad.
We had our differences when I was growing up and they were pretty full on at times. I left home at 19, but returned annually to catch up with Mum for many years and there was much left unspoken.
Mum died in 1999 and from that year on, Dad travelled over to spend Christmas with my family as my brother went to New Zealand to celebrate the holiday season with his wife’s family.
A bout of bowel cancer slowed him down a little …. and his increasing age, so he decided to sell up his unit in Perth and move to a retirement complex in the outer Melbourne suburbs to be closer to my family.
A difficult decision at 85.
Still a little wary of him, I visited weekly, taking him shopping on a Sunday and we slipped into a routine.
If he needed to go to the doctor, I took him.
The kids liked playing Ludo with him and we shared meals for significant occasions.
Heart attacks, one for him, one for me….
…we muddled along and along the way we became friends… finding that we had similar interests in religion, meditation, reincarnation…..
The kids promised to visit ….and did on occasions, stepping up nobly when we were travelling and taking him out for a special birthday lunch one year.
He turned 90… then 91… it seemed like he was going on forever… then earlier this year, his older brother died, then his sister’s husband. Suddenly he began to talk of the completing this life cycle….he became a little breathless… he fervently completed jumbo crosswords to prove that he wasn’t going senile.. and the chest pains began.
At first I thought it to be a result of greiving for the men he used to know, but the emergency department x-rays showed up what was thought to be pneumonia.
Stubbornly, he insisted he would be alright at home and I assured the doctor I would follow up with the GP.
The tests showed that he had lung cancer.
That was a Thursday. Ever independent, he caught the retirement village bus that afternoon to go and get a haircut and do his shopping.
My brother visited on the Monday, taking some time out from a conference that he was attending, to spend an hour or so with him.
On Tuesday, the pain intensified and an ambulance was called. He spent the afternoon in Emergency and was sent home that evening as he said he didn’t want any intervention.
By the Friday evening of that same week he had been admitted to a hospice for pain management as he was finding it difficult to move from the bed to the bathroom. Still independent, he fell from his bed as he tried to get to the bathroom…
A few days of care and the pain intensified… he hovered between here and the nether worlds….aware of what was happening and telling me about the experience…and on the sixth morning he slipped over to the other side and died peacefully in his sleep……

The Polarity of friendship

The flow of energy between friends flows unseen, yet it can be felt. The renewal of old friendships and the gradual lessening of contact and detachment as both you and they move on can be both liberating and in some cases, emotionally painful. Nurturing new friendships, letting go of judgements and observing how the friendship develops can take a certain amount of surrender on our part. Stuart Wilde likens friendship to “the school that you attend, where what you are is reflected back toward you. They act as a mirror. That is why people suffer a lot of imbalance, emotion and difficulty in relationships. They’re looking at themselves and their shadow and that makes them uncomfortable, fearful and angry.”The polarity of friendship is determined by the flow and interaction of energy between people. The yang or outgoing energy is the external social self and is positive. The yin or ingoing energy is the inner body, the spiritual side and holds a negative polarity. The energy to maintain a friendship can ebb and flow and the friendships that are carefully nurtured are the ones that will last a lifetime – or several. The energy of conversation between friends and the energy of positive empowerment and choosing how you spend your time, or how you help others along their paths, all contribute to the polarity of friendship. Sometimes a single word spoken between friends has a profound and lasting influence – it can heal or hurt, so choose the words carefully.What lessons are you here for? What gifts do you have to share? Benjamin Disraeli, the 19th Century British Prime Minister said “Most people go to their grave with their music still in them.”Are you in tune with your own music? Can you express yourself and your needs adequately? Can you surrender to the energy of the friendship and allow the energy to flow organically? If you are feeling that your energy is constantly being drained, then maybe it’s time to let that relationship go.