Category Archives: Spirituality

Almost on top of the world!

A short sojourn on a property that is currently for sale.
A warm winter’s day with the scent of the wattles drifting across the senses much like the clouds lazily moving across the sky.
Surrounded by State Forest it was possible to drink up the energy of the trees  for a few moments and take a few more moments to notice some of the larger trees and just noticing the colour and textures – the difference between the new saplings pushing up and the old, mossy, bare fruit trees that remain as guardians to the ruins of an old burnt down homestead.

Using the imagination to wonder about long forgotten people who once stood on this land and dreamed their dreams.
Allowing images to come to mind and letting them go with the wafts of wattle perfume.
Observing the birds, noticing the bleached bones of a marsupial and treading carefully around them on the way down to a hidden dam.
Noticing the reflection of the forest beyond  in the still and perhaps deep waters.
Then a gentle stroll back up along the fence line that needs a little attention, considering/ wondering whether this is the right place to be.
Is this what my heart has asked for?
Noticing how it responds to the energy of the land and listening to rational thoughts about the business of buying this place. Bringing the attention to things such as conservation and Aboriginal heritage overlays. And of course the issue of wildfire….

Work in Progress

It’s been over a month now and apart from learning to live with a left arm and shoulder that has decided not to move so well, I decided to self medicate with a Homeopathic remedy. It took a little while to come to the remedy, but when I did, it was the obvious choice.
No doubt if I had seen my usual homeopath, he would have prescribed it sooner, rather than later.
However after a somewhat unsatisfactory visit to a new GP, I did decide to treat the arm with Acupuncture twice weekly, then weekly with a massage as well.
The Acupuncturist is pleased with the progress, and I have also been doing Self Hypnosis on reducing the pain and looking for the emotional trigger behind it.
Naturally I would prefer the whole thing to sort itself out a lot quicker and it has been an interesting process.
The massages were really helpful and the arm / shoulder moves a lot better after a massage session. I initially had a 90 minute massage with vouchers left over from an exchange of services with a client. Knots in places that I didn’t expect….. What I didn’t expect, was the release of emotion as the tightness eased…..
A fellow Hypnotherapist explained that chronic conditions are the result of long suppressed emotions and if the lid is kept tighly on, eventually the pressure builds up and has to release in any way possible.
So with this in mind, I have decided to continue along the “Alternative Medicine” or Body/Mind/Soul method of treating what the GP has determined is a frozen shoulder.
Having to adjust to sleeping on my right side has had an unusual outcome – whilst I dream every night, since sleeping in a different position, I have had not only what feels like a lighter sleep, but incredibly vivid dreams.

A return of the war dreams and being lost in a myriad of passageways and underground buildings….. of schools that I worked in and people that I have no contact with….. of living in a place that is a mosaic of the different houses and offices that I lived and worked in……and waking with little tags on the inside of my cheeks where I had chewed them during my sleep..
The first indication that a particular homeopathic remedy might be useful.
So back to the books…. Homeopathic books that is…. other symptoms which I had put aside were the sighing, the inability to express the emotion in public and worse for consolation – but able to cry in the office after the last client has left for the day or in the shower.
All pointers to an overlooked, but obvious remedy for grief.
Imagine my surprise when I found that the cramping and shoulder problems were also a symptom covered by this remedy.
By now, if you are familiar with Homeopathy, you will have ascertained the remedy!
Just to check up further on the mental /emotional aspects of the remedy, I consulted my book by Vithoulkas.
His description of the remedy says that it is prescribed 10 to 15 times more for women.
He goes on to describe the woman as “wanting to liberate, assert herself. Sensitivity coupled with romanticism. Ability quick, clever, artistic, women of today. …..she is imposing upon herself the logical conclusions, she will say I must do this, do that : she is capable of performing it. She can do things, so takes a lot of things upon herself, over-working and taking on many more things than she could normally do…. Overstrained, grief, vexation, a frustration in her job and then is a breakdown……Trying to understand what is happening to her. If the shock passes, mostly the body is affected by cramping pains, neuralgias that have no pathological origin, but started from the time of griefe and stress…..”
So am I going to tell you the remedy? No!
Each person is different and what is right for me, may not be for you.
The remedy was taken last night in a 200c potency and the spasms in the arm muscles have eased. It has a duration of 7 days, but if the spasms come back, I will repeat it earlier.
If you do want to find out more about Homeopathic Remedies, how to prescribe, a general guide to some commonly used ones, then I will do a blatant plug for the workshops I teach.
Contact me and we can talk about when and where you can learn more about Homeopathy.
Your regular Naturopath/Homeopath may be grateful that you are doing this as it means that you understand how to take the remedies and what they prescribe is more effective for you.

The wanderer returns home

This is my Dad.
We had our differences when I was growing up and they were pretty full on at times. I left home at 19, but returned annually to catch up with Mum for many years and there was much left unspoken.
Mum died in 1999 and from that year on, Dad travelled over to spend Christmas with my family as my brother went to New Zealand to celebrate the holiday season with his wife’s family.
A bout of bowel cancer slowed him down a little …. and his increasing age, so he decided to sell up his unit in Perth and move to a retirement complex in the outer Melbourne suburbs to be closer to my family.
A difficult decision at 85.
Still a little wary of him, I visited weekly, taking him shopping on a Sunday and we slipped into a routine.
If he needed to go to the doctor, I took him.
The kids liked playing Ludo with him and we shared meals for significant occasions.
Heart attacks, one for him, one for me….
…we muddled along and along the way we became friends… finding that we had similar interests in religion, meditation, reincarnation…..
The kids promised to visit ….and did on occasions, stepping up nobly when we were travelling and taking him out for a special birthday lunch one year.
He turned 90… then 91… it seemed like he was going on forever… then earlier this year, his older brother died, then his sister’s husband. Suddenly he began to talk of the completing this life cycle….he became a little breathless… he fervently completed jumbo crosswords to prove that he wasn’t going senile.. and the chest pains began.
At first I thought it to be a result of greiving for the men he used to know, but the emergency department x-rays showed up what was thought to be pneumonia.
Stubbornly, he insisted he would be alright at home and I assured the doctor I would follow up with the GP.
The tests showed that he had lung cancer.
That was a Thursday. Ever independent, he caught the retirement village bus that afternoon to go and get a haircut and do his shopping.
My brother visited on the Monday, taking some time out from a conference that he was attending, to spend an hour or so with him.
On Tuesday, the pain intensified and an ambulance was called. He spent the afternoon in Emergency and was sent home that evening as he said he didn’t want any intervention.
By the Friday evening of that same week he had been admitted to a hospice for pain management as he was finding it difficult to move from the bed to the bathroom. Still independent, he fell from his bed as he tried to get to the bathroom…
A few days of care and the pain intensified… he hovered between here and the nether worlds….aware of what was happening and telling me about the experience…and on the sixth morning he slipped over to the other side and died peacefully in his sleep……

Taking care of your Etheric self


Everyone has energy fields around them, and unfortunately, some people’s energy fields will impinge on you.
This may be unintentional or deliberate.
When working with clients and associates, it is important to set an intent to keep yourself safe and healthy.
Understanding the Energy system and its many layers will enable you to stay balanced.
If the body is balanced, this includes the physical, metabolic, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects, then the Aura or energy field surrounding the body will be strong and in harmony. 
Being “Centred” then is to be aligned in all these areas. If you are scattered or engage in toxic behaviours/habits, then it will be harder to be well defended against other energy fields.
Meridians and Nadis are the emotional and physical pathways that form part of the energy storage system that we all have, and are the conduit that extends between, through and around the Aura and Chakras.  Meridians deal with the physical dysfunctions and the Nadis transmit emotional, psychological and spiritual issues. 
The Chakras are “energy doorways” that go through the Auric Field which has a further 7 layers which are connected through the Chakras. Any dysfunction starts out in the Auric Field and will flow back into the physical body. 
Energetic dirt, which can even be ill will directed at you by someone else, will get trapped in the Auric Field.

The Auric Field 

 The Etheric is the densest and is often a grey/blue bio energy and is associated with the Base Chakra, seen close to the body (about 2-3cm)

The Emotional field will be multi coloured and with each emotion experienced will show up as a
different colour and with its own frequency. It is associated with the 2nd Chakra and your inner feelings and is about 7 -10 cm away from the body.

The Mental field will be seen as a soft  yellow/orange colour, more noticeable in people who do intellectual work and is connected to the Solar Plexus Chakra. It extends some 20cm out from the body.

The Heart field is part of the causal realm, where all information and energy passes through,  connecting the lower and higher vibrational layers. It is multicoloured, depending on the physical, emotional and mental vibrations and extends up to 30cm out from the physical body. It is connected to the Heart Chakra.

The Etheric blueprint is where we can heal and restore the physical body. The Throat Chakra is linked to it and it will appear as a blue, web like structure some 20-60cm around the body.

The Celestial layer is connected to the Third Eye and allows us to access our intuition and link to client thought and feelings. There is no particular colour, but it appears as light 30-90cm out from the physical body.

The final layer is the Ketheric layer which contains our life plan or soul contracts. It will extend to about a metre out from the body and is linked to the Crown Chakra.

The graphic below explains what is called the “Step Down” of energy. 

Under Attack

Cords, Darts and Dirt
Cords are the result of energy exchange between you and another person and will lodge in the Chakras.
Darts are sudden, sharp, stabbing pains and are lodged in the Aura.
Dirt is the yukky energy often felt in crowded places such as shopping centres.

There are specific removal techniques for each of these as well as general energy treatments such as Polarity Therapy and EMF Balancing Technique – both of which I offer as a therapy.

Attachments
Can be elementals such as pixies, faeries or sprites and generally have a childish, naughty feel to them. More of a nuisance than a threat.
Ghosts are entities that have chosen not to go to the light or have not yet recognised that they are dead and remain earthbound. They are not highly evolved souls.
Walk ins are spirits that are opportunistic and will use a physical body for their own means or entertainment. They can be multi generational or from past lives and generally are looking to bypass re-birth.
Psychic Vampires – These are individuals that will seek out energy from others. They will “cord” you to access your energy. Remaining grounded and balanced will help contain your own energy. Regular cleansing and cord removal will negate their influence. Sonia Choquette has some excellent articles on how to negate their influence and a quick Google search will turn up many more articles.
Well meaning Healers who have not asked your Higher Self for permission to work can also impact on your energy system and is a form of attack. If you are a healer, then ensure that your energy is contained and doesn’t intrude on others. You can set the intent to reject any unsolicited healing – a bit like being on the spiritual Do Not Call register!

Sorting it out

Learn to protect yourself through grounding and cleansing and this should be done regularly.Daily at a minimum, more if you are around different energies.

Use your morning shower to cleanse both your physical and astral body, by imagining the water washing your aura and carrying away any astral dirt. 
Using Sandalwood soap will also help.
Ground daily – more if you are around people with unbalanced energy. This is done to bring energy away from the past, away from the future into the “here and now”.
Create a clear intent to create a strong and healthy energy field. 
Imagine, sense or feel the red of your Base Chakra, then connect strongly with the earth from this Chakra. You can use single or multiple threads, roots, cords – as you wish to connect your energy to that of the Earth.

When done, seal with gold light, as Gold has a higher vibrational level, to keep safe and pour this energy into and over your body so that you can still remain connected with your loved ones. A lovely visualization is to imagine this gold energy flowing over each of your etheric layers. You can use coloured light, such as the violet flame to transmute negative energy or green for healing.
Sealing with white light attracts more attention from the spiritual realm and can result in more dysfunction, such as Chronic Fatigue.

If you go looking for the “things that go bump in the night” , you are more likely to find them. You may have noticed that when you are thinking of buying a new car, then you will see that make and model more often than before, because that is where you have focused your attention. 

Dreaming

A restless and exhausting night with vivid dreams last night, the kind that stay with you for a while.
The dreams were of a place that seemed familiar yet not, if that makes sense. 
I was on a hillside with large limestone boulders shaped into a retaining wall and the scent of herbs. The air sparkled with the clarity of a summer’s day and there were people busy in the background.  Taking a break from tending the herb garden, I sat on the edge of a retaining wall and my feet brushed against something soft and unfamiliar. 
Looking down, I saw that my foot had made contact with a small swarm of bees who looked to be forming a hive in the spaces between the rocks.  A sudden jolt as I remembered that I am allergic to bees and I quickly took my foot away and moved some distance from them. “ Don’t think fearful thoughts” went through my mind, “as they pick up on that energy” , taking the time to gather myself and calm down. From a distance I observed them moving, protecting their queen, fascinated by the activity and the solidarity of the group.  Then a family member appeared, my mother-in-law, saw the bees and began spraying them.  Horrified, I knocked the can from her hand and felt a pain in my heart as I realized that she intended to kill them and hoped that I could stop her before any died.
I moved away to be alone and for a moment seemed to be on a boat of some kind with green canvas lashed to the railings. I was followed by several people and went round and round some kind of structure in the centre before losing them and finding myself back on the hillside garden. Searching for something elusive, I began turning over the rocks and quickly drew my hand away as a brightly coloured snake’s head poked up and glared at me.  Rooted to the spot, the thought that this was a harlequin snake came to me.  Brightly coloured with yellow, green and orange diamond shapes familiar to a harlequin’s suit adorned this snake. Not sure if it was poisonous, I kept my distance and with my heart pounding again, woke up with an incredibly dry mouth.
I dozed on and off for a little longer and then decided it was time to go for a walk. 

Choosing to walk a different route today and a little less isolated, I found it was quite easy to almost double my walking distance. Head cleared by the exercise, I returned to the car and on getting in, just glanced to my left as I saw a dark shape on my shoulder . As I brushed it off, there was an excruciating pain in my left arm & I realized I had been stung. I pulled up my sleeve & it was this action that caused the sting to come out of my arm almost immediately.  I ran around to the other side of the car to let the bee out and at the same time tipped the contents of my water bottle over my arm. Realizing that I didn’t have anything in the car’s first aid kit that would help, decided to chance it and drive home. “Stay calm….. use the trance state to numb the arm…….” Thoughts just rattled through my head. Every movement sent daggers down to my fingers – that was a good sign that it  was going downward…

Home and unpack the antihistamines, asthma spray and epipen in case they were needed. A dose of homeopathic Apis and an antihistamine and ice on the arm all helped. The throat tightened for a moment, was it fear or was it a reaction? Calm ……..
Another good remedy – a cup of tea and a sit and wait and during the waiting I delved into The Body is a Barometer of the Soul and read a little of Animal Dreaming.
Bee sting:  You have not told yourself that you need to look into yourself, so that you will not repeat what has been happening
Hmm! This message has been coming through in a couple of other ways over the last few days. Funny how the Universe makes sure we get the message!!
The High Priestess and the Fool tarot cards have been popping up for me as well.  The Sacred Pool card from the Enchanted Map Oracle cards has also been present. “….focus on self love and self esteem. We are all works in progress, so a detached self examination made with rigourous honesty is called for now…..”
From Animal Dreaming (Scott Alexander King) comes the information that the Bee is about Potential. “…images of bees once decorated the walls of beehive like tombs. It was believed that Bees were the embodiment of the souls of priestesses who had dedicated their lives to the goddess Aphrodite, whose symbol was a golden honeycomb. ……….Bee literally affording the Midas Touch to those who see the value in organized community, dedicated team work and group vision………if you are birthing a new business, view yourself as the Queen Bee working toward the development of your own hive……Honeycomb is an ancient symbol of the Universal Tapestry. Like a perfectly formed jigsaw puzzle, it demonstrates quite literally how one thing supports the next, with each person, creature and thing ‘slotting in’ in complete harmony with each other.
Snake is about Transmutation. …….
“The ancient Celts saw the Snake as a powerful symbol of fertility…..
While embracing the promise of a new life, the Snake can be seen as a representative of the healing we must accept if we intend to move into the next phase of our life in a complete and fertile way…..
Snake points out that we need to look deep within ourselves and honour those aspects that pose the greatest threat of making us ill. We have to hand them over so that we may see clearly again, allowing us to move forward with confidence and a renewed sense of purpose. 
Snake suggests that we look at our baggage, our burdens and our pain and transmute them into new opportunity, new life and the chance to start our journey over again. She offers us the chance to physically rebirth ourselves by strengthening us emotionally and deepening our relationship with Spirit”

Beauty in imperfection

The Japanese enjoy the concept of beauty in imperfection and on Day 12 of the energy exploration year, as I made my way downstairs to feed the dog, I noticed a largish butterfly resting on the pool cover.
A closer inspection was made and a series of photos taken and I discovered that this beautiful creature had one of it’s lower wings missing. Not sure if it had not yet unfurled or had been removed by a bird, I decided to leave the butterfly where it was.
Later that morning it had gone – I checked under the pool cover but it wasn’t in the water, so I assume it flew away.
The opportunity to record it’s presence also reminded me of being present in the here and now, to be aware of the little things in life that present themselves to us, to remind us of our own impermanence.

When Life brings you lemons….

….make lemonade!
No point being sour and puckered up about what happened, find a little sweetness to add and hey presto!
A delicious experience!
2011 has been a rollercoaster of a year.
Sudden highs and dramatic drops – heart stopping – literally!
The Tasmanian adventure in January started with some soul searching and a trip to a hypnotherapy colleague to resolve my reaction to a spiritual event.
My Reiki Master, who is also a Free Priest in the Order of Melchizidek, has been suggesting for many years that she ordain me & I was set to go through with the process, but had a sense of dread as the day approached. My stomach lurched when she described the ordination process & I took this as a pretty good “gut reaction” that it wasn’t going to happen.
In the end I delayed the trip by a couple of days and although we did meet, she continues to express her disappointment that I didn’t go through with it.
Interestingly I lost the Larimar stone from my Lives between Lives session whilst in Hobart.
But I did find an Orb!
The time in Tasmania went quickly and returning to Melbourne at the end of January, it was strange, but nice, not starting school.
A new phase of my life was starting. I had already taken on my room and had been down there part time in 2010, so it was familiar. I was continuing with my studies – a Certificate 4 in Business as part of a Diploma in Life Coaching and had clients scheduled.
An earlier post chronicles the event of February 10th, which has seen my life take a different direction. Priorities changed and moving through the “muddle headedness” was a challenge.
Focusing on completing my studies helped enormously and Spirit provided enough clients each month to pay the rent on the room.

Over the year, I have grown to love my space – looking out onto a grassy area with some trees, there are a couple of magpies that come close to the windows and peer in from time to time and the other tenants always have a cheery greeting.
The space has given my time to pursue some dreams and bring some into reality.
A few new friends were very supportive and this contrasted with the lack of emotional support from family, both around the cardiac event and my change in career.
At this stage I’m going pucker up and have a lemon moment!
After having been a “people pleaser” (or doormat as my friend Susan once famously said) for 30 years in my marriage family, the lack of support has been like a massive slap in the face. ( 🙂 remember I have abandonment issues!!) A pointer to their insularity & as the psychologist I was seeing to deal with the post cardiac anxiety said ” Would you be friends with them if you weren’t married?” I don’t think so, however I am grateful for the clarity that has come from their inaction.
More time out in July as the palpitations continued and it was decided to undergo a Cardiac Ablation.  This was very confronting and I nearly didn’t go. The Cardiologist remarked after the procedure that he didn’t expect to find anything and was surprised to find a “rogue circuit” that caused my heart to race at an astounding pace. I have been using hypnotherapy to go into a relaxed healing state daily, along with daily EmWave sessions (which have also shown when I have had arrhythmias). Metaphorically, I have decided to look at the ablation as the opportunity to excise old heart hurts, burning out the old. Reflecting on my lemon moment, perhaps the ablation cut deeper than I thought!
Interestingly a number of clients I have seen over the last 6 months have had cardiac events and being non retirees have struggled with lack of support as well. They do say you attract the clients you need for your own development.
A couple of joint ventures with workshops have been an excellent learning experience and I am grateful to the wonderful women with whom I have worked to present them.

More recently, I ran my first homeopathic workshop and realized that I have a wealth of material which I wrote in 2000 and 2002. Homeopathic manuals that are hyperlinked from remedy to symptom and back again. I’m impressed with what I did then!
Time to set it free from the files where they have been store and share with the world! Book release perhaps!
Focussing on the clinical aspect has been good and now it’s time to move in a more spiritual direction, mixing the clinical and spiritual.
So my New Year’s Resolution is….?
Step into integrity, walk the talk and honour who I am and where I have come from.
I am grateful to the teachers I have had along the way and to wake up every morning to new and wonderful opportunities……so my resolution for 2012 is to show gratitude.

Stepping Stones on the Spiritual Road

Well I don’t know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain’t right
Am I on the right spiritual road or not?
Who knows?
Who cares?
Somewhere along the road, the tradition that I was brought up in lost its relevance. 
It may come as a great surprise to some that know me, that at 13 I wanted to emulate a great aunt and don the habit. At 16 I was reading the Golden Bough, encouraged by teacher at school who seemed to understand my search for meaning. At 21 I was debating the finer points of Gospel with the door to door “God Botherers”, inviting them in for lengthy discussions. Having read the King James Bible from cover to cover a couple of times is a definite advantage. Reading the Koran, parts of the Bhagavad Gita and study of the various branches of Buddhism across Asia at University didn’t make for comfortable conversations in the suburban mother’s club or my previous friendship circle.
I’m so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I’m wondering how I’ll get down the stairs
Over the years, the roads to organized religion and spirituality diverged. The exploration of spirituality beckoned and the first stepping stone along the road was Reiki. Before I really knew what it was, a colleague at a Catholic school put her hands on my shoulders one afternoon. My blood felt like it had turned to lemonade – tiny, sparkling bubbles of furious energy rising to the top of my head and beyond. It was a defining moment and the next few years were spent in practical applications of Reiki.  Apprenticed to an old style teacher, I progressed and grew through the different levels. A long suppressed intuition began to emerge, but not without growing pains. Dreams became more vivid and the messages within them sometimes quite challenging. A more tangible reminder of the pain was falling down the garden stairs and snapping a ligament which stopped me from taking classes with an artist, who had been recommended by my teacher. I found out just recently that he is very involved in a cult called “The Family”. Quite literally stopped from going down that particular path!

Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.
So here I am, stuck in the middle. Still looking at organized religion on one side and spirituality on the other.

Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you,
And I’m wondering what it is I should do,

I have friends of many faiths who seem able to accept their religion without question and I yearn for this simplicity. I have faith, I feel it, but it’s not tangible.
It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face,
Losing control, yeah, I’m all over the place,
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.
Continuing along the stepping stones, one step at a time. Exploring Christianity further and taking Confirmation lessons. Berated by the local Vicar for having pagan books and idols in my house. He suggests that the books on Buddhism, Islam and Judaism are to go. He is horrified that I have entered pagan temples and have Buddhist and Hindu art on my walls. Intuitively I step away and the next stepping stone is labelled Steiner education. This one resonates with me, but only for a while. How wonderful it is to see the education of the child as a whole person, nurtured and all the creative gifts brought out. Four years of evening classes that stimulates the mind and heals my own inner child. Then one evening, one of the instructors, a young man, tells the class he is a Nazi. My heart freezes.

Trying to make some sense of it all,
But I can see that it makes no sense at all,

Later, another lecture on how civilizations and societies grow to their peak and then fall. I see that there are people clinging just as rigidly to the principles of this education system and in denial about some aspects of modern life.  I know it is time to move on, take another step along the road.
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

The next stepping stone awaits.
An interest has grown out of the Steiner studies and I explore the world of Homeopathy. 

The search for an individual remedy to match the overall symptoms of the patient is like a giant jigsaw puzzle. The remedies are tested on humans to produce the symptoms of illness. The modern medical profession deride the philosophy and bray about “evidence based research”, forgetting that in Hahnemann’s time they used bloodletting to cure fevers and poisoned their syphilitic patients with Mercury. Hahnemann’s theories about hygiene proved to be correct and are now adopted as sensible practice.
Three great friendships formed along this pathway and sadly only one survives. The first friend to go was one I went into practice with. He took his own life with homeopathics and I stopped seeing clients.  The second friend died just recently and luckily the friendship with the third is still strong, but there was a moment when I thought it might be me checking out of this life earlier this year.
Well you started out with nothing,
And you’re proud that you’re a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please…. Please…..
Moving in and out of formal education forms the next series of stepping stones. Suffice to say that my sojourn in the education system is pretty much over. At least I gave it my best shot! 
Having a child that was diagnosed as ADHD puts a whole different perspective into being both a teacher and a parent. My teaching seemed to gravitate towards this group of students who were square pegs in round holes. 
Fortunate to assess and work with students and adults labelled with learning difficulties for 18 months gave me a new skill set to take back into school. 
At first it felt like I was home. 
Teaching was enjoyable, but the staff politics poisonous.
Well I don’t know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain’t right,
I’m so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I’m wondering how I’ll get down the stairs,
The next stepping stone was a re-exploration of Christianity. I ended up teaching religious education as well as Japanese. Even though the school espoused Christian values, behind the scenes there was very little honesty, love or charity. One of the risks of living in a house perched on the side of a steep hill is lots of stairs. Another trip down the stairs and another ligament, however I ignored this as a sign to change direction and continued on.  I was promoted and asked to re-write the curriculum and did so, but the toll on my emotional and physical health as a result of the intense bullying in the department was too much. The day before school was to resume, I resigned and never went back.
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you,
Stuck again on the spiritual road, another stepping stone presented itself to make the way forward easier. A friend had started up a Hypnotherapy college, would I be interested in coming along for an introductory course?
Why not? I was in the process of putting myself back together and came to the conclusion that this may just uncover the causes of my dilemma with spirituality and religion. In the meantime, I had been offered a position in an Islamic school, which I declined mostly because of my feminist views about the headscarf.  The Hypnotherapy course was over too soon and I discovered that my fellow students also held similar spiritual beliefs. I stayed on and did the Diploma and am finding that the more I work with my own subconscious, the more comfortable I am becoming with my spirituality. Another prod from my Reiki teacher to encourage me to become ordained in her Independent Christian tradition. I nearly did it. Just at the last minute, I bailed out. Couldn’t do it. The faith is there, the belief in something is there, but it’s not strong enough to bind me to that tradition.
A brief stint of eighteen months at a small government primary school gave me a positive experience to finish my teaching career with. Smooth stepping stones to pave the way to a different life. Another stepping stone was training in Past Life Regressions and my own regressions have been a shining light as to why I haven’t embraced organised religion.  Yet another stepping stone along this richly paved road has been my Coaching studies. What a plethora of intellect, talent and people open to change! Some amazing people with strong faith in their various religions.  I have a touch of envy, as it seems to be so easy for them to accept. Friends with some, observers of others, and the gifts so readily given have helped me to learn so much more about myself on this stage of the journey. I wonder if I can give back equally. I am grateful for all that has been given so generously.
Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you,
Stuck in the middle with you.
Yes, I’m still searching.
Not so stuck, because I know there is faith and it’s within.
Lyrics by Stealers Wheel.